


Get Off Your Phone

by thebiinbitch



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Asexual Peter Pettigrew, Bisexual Lily Evans, Bisexual Mary Macdonald, Bisexual Remus Lupin, Drunk Texting, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Gay Sirius Black, Good Peter Pettigrew, Good Regulus Black, Group chat, Jewish Lily Evans, Jewish Remus Lupin, LGBTQ Character, Latina Marlene McKinnon, Lesbian Marlene McKinnon, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Modern Marauders (Harry Potter), Mutual Pining, Pansexual Dorcas Meadowes, Sirius Black & Marlene McKinnon Friendship, Texting, dorlene, jily, marauders texting, pansexual james potter, text fic, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-27
Packaged: 2021-03-27 10:20:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 23,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30121269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebiinbitch/pseuds/thebiinbitch
Summary: texting fic about my favorite gays in university because i've been obsessed with texting fics lately.+ the twitter threads i've been doing on my tiktok acc (@siriusblackisalesbian) really inspired me to start writing this.this is mainly a wolfstar fic, but i could never not give you jily, dorlene and bisexual mary macdonald :)marleyandme: THANK YOU JESUSmarleyandme: LORDmarleyandme: HOLY FUCKING CHRIST YESbigmac: dude ur an atheistmarleyandme: yeah and??(also fuck jkr, dude..... but we all know that)
Relationships: Alice Longbottom/Frank Longbottom, Caradoc Dearborn/Benjy Fenwick, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, Mary Macdonald/Emmeline Vance, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & Peter Pettigrew & James Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 752
Kudos: 396





	1. CHAPTER 1: Damn Lesbo Chill

_[Effie’s Boyz ASF]_

_9:03AM_

**padfoot:** this is it

 **padfoot:** im ending it all

**prongs:** lol what

**padfoot:** i physically cannot take this fucking class anymore.......fucking slughorn dude

**prongs:** u were the mf who CHOSE to take this course. you were asking for it. theory of color????

**padfoot:** i didnt think it would be this bad....... i can't take horace and his constant clapping. istg he says a word and goes “so👏”

 **padfoot:** like dUDE

 **padfoot:** WE’RE ALREADY PAYING ATTENTION ??????

**prongs:** speaking of paying attention

 **prongs:** im in class rn

 **prongs:** gtg

**padfoot:** NOOO

 **padfoot:** PRONGS DONT LEAVE ME

 **padfoot:** JAMES

 **padfoot:** JAMES

 **padfoot:** JAMES FLEAMONT POTTER

 **padfoot:** i hate u

 **padfoot:** ok i don't actually hate u but im very mad rn.

_[Destiny’s Child]_

_11:42AM_

**marleyandme:** im so hungry

 **marleyandme:** anyone wanna go grab lunch???

**bigmac:** im having lunch with emmie today :(( sorry marls

**marleyandme:** whore

 **marleyandme:** and oooh emmie??? 😏😏 nickname and all huh.......romantic

**bigmac:** lol no

 **bigmac:** we’re just friends

 **bigmac:** AND benjy is coming along too

**marleyandme:** but u like her tho

**bigmac:** i’d let her hit

**marleyandme:** fair

 **marleyandme:** _@barksexybark_ ???

**barksexybark:** im down

 **barksexybark:** where do u wanna go

**marleyandme:** three broomsticks??

**barksexybark:** period

 **barksexybark:** omw

**bigmac:** bring back something for me plsss :)

_[Destiny’s Child]_

_12:19PM_

**marleyandme:** hot girl alert hot girl alert hot girl alert

 **marleyandme:** dude

 **marleyandme:** REALLY HOT GIRL ALERT

**bigmac:** SEND PICS RN!!!!!!!

**marleyandme:** I CANT JUST TAKE A PICTURE SHE’S LIKE A TABLE AWAY

**bigmac:** >:(

**barksexybark:** i gotta agree she's really pretty

 **barksexybark:** like if she asked me yes perhaps id fall to my knees and marry her on the spot

 **barksexybark:** and im gay asf

**marleyandme:** im in love

 **marleyandme:** like that's it

 **marleyandme:** i will never be the same

**bigmac:** that's very shappic of u

**marleyandme:** i know 😕

 **marleyandme:** SIRIUS STOP STARING

**barksexybark:** wait i think i recognize her

 **barksexybark:** i think she’s james’ friend fr

**marleyandme:** ONG???

**barksexybark:** ong

 **barksexybark:** hold up im gonna check

_[Effie’s Boyz ASF]_

_12:25AM_

**padfoot:** hey

 **padfoot:** can u send me a picture of that friend of urs

 **padfoot:** the girl in ur chem class that's always with u and pete

**prongs:** cas??

 **prongs:** yeah sure

**prongs:**

**padfoot:** hmmm

 **padfoot:** did she by any chance mention that she would have lunch at three broomsticks today?

**prongs:** yeah she said she’s meeting this guy she met on her yoga class

**padfoot:** oh

 **padfoot:** so she’s.....straight

**prongs:** lmao no

 **prongs:** she’s pan

 **prongs:** but still

 **prongs:** i don't think its a date

_[Destiny’s Child]_

_12:31PM_

**barksexybark:** we got her

**barksexybark:**

**marleyandme:** holy fucking shit

 **marleyandme:** fucK

 **marleyandme:** omfg im so embarrassed

**barksexybark:** LMFAO MARLENE LOOKS LIKE A TOMATO RN

**bigmac:** what happened????

**barksexybark:** SHE ACTUALLY *SHRIEKED* WHEN SHE OPENED THE PIC

 **barksexybark:** SHRIEKED

 **barksexybark:** AND THIS GIRL

 **barksexybark:** DORCAS

 **barksexybark:** THATS HER NAME

 **barksexybark:** SHES LIKE A TABLE AWAY SO SHE OBVS HEARD IT

 **barksexybark:** LMFAOOOOOOO

 **barksexybark:** AND SHE JUST LOOKED AT MARLENE LIKE 🤨🤨🤨

**marleyandme:** i hate myself.

 **marleyandme:** bUT WHAT DID JAMES SAY??? IS SHE STRAIGHT GIVE ME THE DETAILS

**barksexybark:** damn lesbo chill

 **barksexybark:** anyway

 **barksexybark:** she’s pan

 **barksexybark:** so fuck yeah

**marleyandme:** THANK YOU JESUS

 **marleyandme:** LORD

 **marleyandme:** HOLY FUCKING CHRIST YES

**bigmac:** dude ur an atheist

**marleyandme:** yeah and??

**barksexybark:** oh he also said shes here to meet a guy

 **barksexybark:** he doesn't know if its a date tho

**marleyandme:** no

 **marleyandme:** no no no

 **marleyandme:** men nEVER BRING ANY GOOD ITS PROBABLY A DATE

**barksexybark:** bro????

**marleyandme:** i dont recall stuttering.

**bigmac:** calm down marls

 **bigmac:** u’ll tell if its a date or not

_[MoonFlower <3]_

_12:42PM_

**therealslimmoony:** i *will* kill you, lily june evans

 **therealslimmoony:** i will never get there on time

**gingertaylorswift:** of course u will

 **gingertaylorswift:** u have long legs u lanky son of a bitch

 **gingertaylorswift:** RUN BOY RUN

**therealslimmoony:** remind me to never, EVER, skip class to catch up on drag race with you

**gingertaylorswift:** i could never do that

 **gingertaylorswift:** you love crystal methyd way too much

**therealslimmoony:**...........

 **therealslimmoony:** ur not wrong-

_[Dorcas Meadowes & Remus Lupin]_

_12:47PM_

**remus:** hi! sorry im late :( be there in 5!

**dorcas:** no worries! my thursday afternoon margarita is keeping me company

**remus:** LMFAO

 **remus:** i’ll be having one too........

**dorcas:** HAHAHA i’ll get one for u dw

_[Destiny’s Child]_

_12:50PM_

**barksexybark:** whoever this guy is

 **barksexybark:** i would not assume he's straight.......

**bigmac:** why??

 **bigmac:** is he there yet??

**barksexybark:** no but she just ordered 2 margaritas

 **barksexybark:** on a thursday

 **barksexybark:** while the sun is out.

**bigmac:**???

**barksexybark:** margaritas??? drinking on a weekday afternoon??? drinking *margaritas* on a *weekday afternoon*????

 **barksexybark:** that's fruity behavior

 **barksexybark:** cmon macdonald keep up

 **barksexybark:** i trusted ur gaydar to be better than this

**bigmac:** IM NOT THERE YOU FUCKER

 **bigmac:** and where's marlene??

**barksexybark:** she went to the bar to get us some

 **barksexybark:** SANGRIAAAASSSS

**bigmac:** sangrias?? drinking on a weekday afternoon??? drinking *sangrias* on a *weekday afternoon*???

**barksexybark:** bitch i never said *i* wasn't fruity

 **barksexybark:** wait

 **barksexybark:** yo

 **barksexybark:** waiT A SECOND HOLD AWN

**bigmac:** what???????

_[Smartasses (But Not Really)]_

_12:51PM_

**casdor:** ayo potter

 **casdor:** that best friend of urs

 **casdor:** does he have long black hair??

 **casdor:** so many ear piercings it looks like his ear is gonna fall off

 **casdor:** dresses like my grandma but if she were a punk

**terpot:** yup that's sirius

**terpe:** that sounds very much padfoot

**terpot:** _@terpe_ yeah lol

 **terpot:** _@casdor_ why??

**casdor:** he keeps.....staring at me

**terpot:** he’s gay so don't worry about *that*

**casdor:** oh ok ig

 **casdor:** but he......keeps staring at me

 **casdor:** the blonde girl thats with him too

 **casdor:** shes cute tho so i’ll give her a pass

 **casdor:** wait gtg remus is here

_[Destiny’s Child]_

_12:54PM_

**barksexybark:** YO

 **barksexybark:** YOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOY

**bigmac:** WHAT?????????

 **bigmac:** BLACK SPIT IT OUT IM WITH OTHER PPL I CANT BE ON MY PHONE

**barksexybark:** SDCIJPWEJDJWEIOJWEJ

**marleyandme:** now this is just hilarious

**bigmac:** WTF WHAT?????????

**barksexybark:** HOT GUY ALERT HOT GUY ALERT HOT GUY ALERT REALLY FUCKING HOT GUY ALERT

 **barksexybark:** PWEOKDWENCOJCPWKDPWDLKCVOIEJOVEROJF

**marleyandme:** if ur wondering _@bigmac_ , he is, indeed, sweating.


	2. CHAPTER 2: Hayley Kiyoko and I

_[MoonFlower <3]_

_10:33AM_

**gingertaylorswift:** am i living or am i just waiting for april 9th.....thats what we all wanna know

**therealslimmoony:** what's in april 9th

**gingertaylorswift:** remus......

 **gingertaylorswift:** you have to be kidding me rn

**therealslimmoony:** :///

**gingertaylorswift:** DUDE

 **gingertaylorswift:** TAYLOR’S VERSION

 **gingertaylorswift:** THE ALBUM

 **gingertaylorswift:** honestly ur an embarrassment..

**therealslimmoony:** HAHHAHAHAHHAA I’M SORRY

 **therealslimmoony:** u do know im not the biggest tswift fan tho

 **therealslimmoony:** but i respect it #LoveIsLove

**gingertaylorswift:** i hate u

**therealslimmoony:** 😚😚😚

 **therealslimmoony:** wait why are u texting me rn

 **therealslimmoony:** arent u supposed to be in class???

**gingertaylorswift:** i am but its boring....

 **gingertaylorswift:** talk to me

 **gingertaylorswift:** hmmmm lets see

 **gingertaylorswift:** how’s dorcas??

**therealslimmoony:** uhm fine??? why do u ask?

**gingertaylorswift:** idk u two got along well that day didn't u

**therealslimmoony:** yeah..?

 **therealslimmoony:** but we already kinda knew each other from yoga. we just decided to go out for lunch

**gingertaylorswift:** she’s hot

 **gingertaylorswift:** ur hot

 **gingertaylorswift:** she’s pan

 **gingertaylorswift:** ur bi

 **gingertaylorswift:** 😏😏😏😏

**therealslimmoony:** no

**gingertaylorswift:** cmon moony boy

**therealslimmoony:** wow cant a woman and a man be friends without people trying to romanticise it????

 **therealslimmoony:** i swear, society these days......

**gingertaylorswift:** shut up

 **gingertaylorswift:** im just sayin yk.... maybe its time for u to start getting out there more

 **gingertaylorswift:** its been over a year since u and kingsley broke up

**therealslimmoony:** i do get out there

**gingertaylorswift:** one night stands from tinder is not exactly getting out there

**therealslimmoony:** lily

 **therealslimmoony:** im perfectly fine how i am now

 **therealslimmoony:** dorcas is just a friend, and im sure she thinks the same about me

 **therealslimmoony:** and also she kept eyeing this girl during the entire lunch

**gingertaylorswift:** oooh

 **gingertaylorswift:** care to provide a name???

**therealslimmoony:** idk i didn't recognize her :/ but she was blonde with i think brown eyes?

 **therealslimmoony:** kinda tanned skin

 **therealslimmoony:** and she was with a guy

 **therealslimmoony:** he had long dark hair

**gingertaylorswift:** OOOOH I MIGHT KNOW THEM

 **gingertaylorswift:** JUST MIGHT BUT

 **gingertaylorswift:** I THINK THEY’RE BOTH IN MY GENDER STUDIES CLASS........YUP I THINK ITS THEM

 **gingertaylorswift:** they always sit at the back and say nothing and then suddenly boom devil’s advocate

**therealslimmoony:** in a gender studies class???

 **therealslimmoony:** sus..

**gingertaylorswift:** no no they’re actually pretty chill

 **gingertaylorswift:** the guy loves spiting those fuckers who go to this class just to pick up girls

 **gingertaylorswift:** its pretty funny

 **gingertaylorswift:** they're the devil’s advocates that we like and support and give our money and families to

**therealslimmoony:** lol

 **therealslimmoony:** ok i need to finish my hw

 **therealslimmoony:** i’ll text u later and we can go for coffee??

**gingertaylorswift:** COFFEE YUMMM

 **gingertaylorswift:** invite dorcas i wanna meet her

**therealslimmoony:** lol ok fine

_[Destiny’s Child]_

_3:36PM_

**barksexybark:** im still shaken......

**marleyandme:** oh for fucks sake

 **marleyandme:** 🗣SIMP🗣

**barksexybark:** fuck off lesbo

 **barksexybark:** and don't make me recall you CHOKING on ur drink when dorcas raised an eyebrow at you yesterday

**marleyandme:** that never happened.

**barksexybark:** yes it did?

**marleyandme:** if im saying it didn't then it didn't

**bigmac:** can u two mfs stfu???

 **bigmac:** im trying to do my assignment and my phone won't stop buzzing

**marleyandme:** put it on airplane mode??

**bigmac:** ehh im listening to music on spotify and i don't have the premium.......

 **bigmac:** ok now shut up.

 **bigmac:** thank you

_[Destiny’s Child]_

_3:42PM_

**marleyandme:** i need to get drunk

**bigmac:** I SAID SHUT UP

**marleyandme:** no

 **marleyandme:** throw ur phone against the wall i don't care

 **marleyandme:** bUT YOU CANT SILENCE ME

_(_ ** _bigmac_ ** _removed_ **_marleyandm_** _ **e** from Destiny’s Child)_

**barksexybark:** ruthless

**bigmac:** she didn't get grounded enough as a kid

_[Chaotic Gay + Mean Lesbian = Ellen DeGeneres]_

_3:44PM_

**jojosiwa:** TELL THAT FUCKING BITCH TO PUT ME BACK ON THAT MF GROUP

 **jojosiwa:** IM NOT JOKING RN

 **jojosiwa:** SIRIUS I WILL COMMIT ARSON

 **jojosiwa:** TELL HER TO ADD ME BACK

 **jojosiwa:** I HAVE BOTH AN INSTAGRAM AND PICTURES OF HER FROM YEAR 8

 **jojosiwa:** IM NOT AFRAID TO USE THEM

**frankiegrande:** lol

_[Destiny’s Child]_

_3:46PM_

**barksexybark:** she's threatening to post pictures of u in year 8 if you don't add her back

**bigmac:** thAT FUCKING BITCH

_(_ ** _bigmac_ ** _added_ **_marleyandme_ ** _to Destiny’s Child)_

**marleyandme:** may this never happen again.

**bigmac:** will you shut up now??

**marleyandme:** no. never.

 **marleyandme:** n t ways

 **marleyandme:** as i was saying

 **marleyandme:** i need to get drunk

 **marleyandme:** plastered

 **marleyandme:** completely pissed

 **marleyandme:** fucking paralysed

**barksexybark:** me highkey

**marleyandme:** right 😩😩

**barksexybark:** i’ll see if james or pete know abt a party or sumn

**marleyandme:** me when he uses his brain: 🥺💖💕😭🥰😍

_[Sirius and His Servants]_

_3:54PM_

**padsies:** hiiii bitchesssss

**servant1:** i will not be replying until you change the name back.

**servant2:** ˆˆˆ

**padsies:** ugh u two are no fun

_(_ ** _padsies_ ** _changed the group's name from_ **_Sirius and His Servants_ ** _to_ **_Marauderzzz_** _)_

 _(_ ** _padsies_ ** _changed_ **_servant1_ ** _’s name to_ **_pwonggy_** _)_

 _(_ ** _padsies_ ** _changed_ **_servant2_ ** _’s name to_ **_wormysoftboy_** _)_

**pwonggy:** better

 **pwonggy:** HIIIIIII

**wormysoftboy:** HI PADS

**padsies:** HELLO HELLO MY BAKAS

 **padsies:** SO

 **padsies:** MY FRIEND MARLENE AND I WANT TO GET DRUNK

**pwonggy:** OH I LIKE MARLENE

 **pwonggy:**.......AND I SMELL A

**wormysoftboy:** PARTY

**padsies:** PARTY

**pwonggy:** FUCK YEAH

 **pwonggy:** MY PLACE

 **pwonggy:** TOMORROW

 **pwonggy:** SPREAD THE WORD LADS

_[Destiny’s Child]_

_4:09PM_

**barksexybark:** _@marleyandme_ kiss my feet mf

**marleyandme:** FOUND A PARTY???

**barksexybark:** better

**marleyandme:** bitch......

**barksexybark:** party at JAMES'

 **barksexybark:** TOMORROW

**marleyandme:** FUCK YES

 **marleyandme:** PARTY AT THE RICH BOY’S FLAT

 **marleyandme:** I KNEW YOU WERENT COMPLETELY USELESS

**barksexybark:** mf- 🤨🤨

**bigmac:** god im so jealous of that guy

 **bigmac:** imagine having ur own flat

 **bigmac:** outside uni

 **bigmac:** lucky mf

**barksexybark:** but he’s nice tho

 **barksexybark:** and my best friend

 **barksexybark:** we can eat the rich but not him

**marleyandme:** bro YOU come from a rich family

**barksexybark:** i dont recall

_[Chaotic Gay + Mean Lesbian = Ellen DeGeneres]_

_5:13PM_

**jojosiwa:** hey girl in red

 **jojosiwa:** wanna go get a coffee or sumn at puddifoot’s?

**frankiegrande:** u literally won't leave me alone will u??

**jojosiwa:** cmon clairo

 **jojosiwa:** yes or no

**frankiegrande:**.......

**jojosiwa:** i’ll pay

**frankiegrande:** yup omw

_[MoonFlower <3]_

_5:31PM_

**gingertaylorswift:** where are u

 **gingertaylorswift:** im inside

 **gingertaylorswift:** should i get my coffee already???

**therealslimmoony:** yeah dw

 **therealslimmoony:** had to pick up cas

 **therealslimmoony:** we’ll be there in less than 5

**gingertaylorswift:** k :)

 **gingertaylorswift:** wait

 **gingertaylorswift:** omg its those 2 friends we were talking abt this morning

 **gingertaylorswift:** yup its them they’re the ones in my class

 **gingertaylorswift:** now we just need to connect the dots..... were they at three broomsticks yesterday for lunch?? 🤔🤔🤔

**therealslimmoony:** lily why tf are you so invested in this???

**gingertaylorswift:** i need a new hyperfixation im officially done with red white and royal blue

**therealslimmoony:** i cant ever see that happening

 **therealslimmoony:**....

 **therealslimmoony:** history, huh?

**gingertaylorswift:** STOPPPP 😩😩😩😩

_[Destiny’s Child]_

_6:19PM_

**marleyandme:** have i mentioned how much i hate myself

**bigmac:** a couple times

 **bigmac:** but what happened

**barksexybark:** LMFAOKDKNEJKDMWKNWJ

**marleyandme:** _@barksexybark_ mf you have NO right to laugh

 **marleyandme:** i'll get to you in a moment

**bigmac:** what happened????

**marleyandme:** so

 **marleyandme:** hayley kiyoko and i were chilling by the counter waiting for our coffees looking like the hot mfs that we are

 **marleyandme:** as one does

 **marleyandme:** and then a literal MASS of red hair just came jumping in our direction

**barksexybark:** she wasn't jumping lol

 **barksexybark:**......she was...skipping

**marleyandme:** anyway

 **marleyandme:** turned out she’s actually in our gender studies class

 **marleyandme:** and she just....approached us now

 **marleyandme:** which was weird but yk

 **marleyandme:** she was so bubbly and charismatic i was almost asking sirius if we could take her home

**barksexybark:** i’d have said yes tbh

**marleyandme:** continuing

 **marleyandme:** we started talking and turns out her name is lily and she has a cat back home...... called nuwanda

**bigmac:** NUWANDA?????

 **bigmac:** AS IN CHARLIE DALTON??? THAT NUWANDA???

**marleyandme:** YES

**bigmac:** WHY DIDNT YOU TAKE HER HOME???? 😩😩😩😩

**marleyandme:** I THINK THAT WOULD BE KIDNAPPING BUT MARY I WAS SO CLOSE-

**barksexybark:** mckinnon

**marleyandme:** ok ok

 **marleyandme:** anyway

 **marleyandme:** we were talking and sirius ended up inviting her to james potter’s party tomorrow

 **marleyandme:** which she obvs said yes

 **marleyandme:** and she asked if she could take 2 friends

 **marleyandme:** and sirius said that yes of course

 **marleyandme:** and then

 **marleyandme:** like liTERALLY 5 SECONDS AFTER THAT

 **marleyandme:** SHE LOOKS AT SOMETHING OVER MY SHOULDER AND SMILES

 **marleyandme:** AND GOES “OH HERE THEY ARE”

 **marleyandme:** AND GUESS WHAT

**bigmac:** no way.....

**marleyandme:** YES WAY

 **marleyandme:** IT WAS LITERALLY DORCAS

 **marleyandme:** AND THAT GUY SIRIUS WAS DROOLING OVER YESTERDAY

**barksexybark:** marlene FROZE LMFAOOOOO

 **barksexybark:** she barely mumbled a hi JDSKMXKXWO

**marleyandme:** TAKE UR LYING BITCH ASS OUT OF HERE

 **marleyandme:** OF COURSE I SAID HI

 **marleyandme:** IT JUST CAME OUT.........NOT AS LOUD AND CLEAR AS I HAD INTENDED

**bigmac:** oh my god????

**marleyandme:** _@barksexybark_ and u act like you can talk

 **marleyandme:** mary he dragged me out of there before we could get the guy’s NAME

**bigmac:** _@barksexybark_ who ARE you???

**barksexybark:** STOP OK

 **barksexybark:** HE WAS JUST......REALLY REALLY PRETTY

 **barksexybark:** AND I GOT NERVOUS

**bigmac:** jesus fucking christ

 **bigmac:** what an embarrassment....

**marleyandme:** tomorrow i’ll try to throw some of my charm at her

 **marleyandme:** it’s gonna work right

**barksexybark:** of course, mamas. of course.

**marleyandme:** i fUCKING SWEAR-


	3. CHAPTER 3: Collaborative Playlist

_[Marauderzzz]_

_7:02AM_

**padsies:** GUESS WHAT FUCKERS

 **padsies:** ITS

 **padsies:** PARTY

 **padsies:** DAY

**wormysoftboy:** YUPPPPP

**pwonggy:** FUCK YESSSSSSS

 **pwonggy:** should i be alarmed that its 7am on a saturday and ur awake???

**padsies:** i have not slept!!!!!!!!!

 **padsies:** at all!!!!!!

**pwonggy:** whY

**padsies:** i spent the entire night finishing my piece for my contemporary arts class!!!!!!

 **padsies:** and i had a lot of skittles!!!!

 **padsies:** and rewatched season 6 of rupauls drag race!!!!!!

 **padsies:** have i mentioned how much i love adore delano????

**wormysoftboy:** abt a million times

**padsies:** i love adore delano!!!!!!!!!!

**pwonggy:** im more of a bendelacreme type guy

 **pwonggy:** anD MILK DESERVED BETTER

**padsies:** YES

**wormysoftboy:** 100%

**pwonggy:** glad we agree.

 **pwonggy:** ok

 **pwonggy:** i need to get back to my workout

 **pwonggy:** talk to u later xx

**wormysoftboy:** dude who goes to the gym aT 7AM ON A SATURDAY

**padsies:** WHO GOES TO THE GYM AT ALL

**pwonggy:** gotta get the blood pumpin boys!!

 **pwonggy:** this booty aint gonna get thicc by itself 🤷🏽😉🍑

**padsies:** whatever you say chloe ting

**pwonggy:** lol

 **pwonggy:** alright byesiesssss xxxxxx

**wormysoftboy:** pads since ur awake

 **wormysoftboy:** wanna come over and and try the best red velvet cake u’ll ever have in ur life??

 **wormysoftboy:** its for class and i need opinions

**padsies:** fuCK YES I LOVE WHEN WORMY DOES HOMEWORK

 **padsies:** I SWEAR BEING FRIENDS WITH SOMEONE MAJORING IN BAKING AND PASTRY ARTS IS THE BEST DECISION I’VE EVER MADE

 **padsies:** OMW BOYYY

_[Smartasses (But Not Really)]_

_11:13AM_

**casdor:** should i be offended that i got invited to potter’s party thru someone else???

 **casdor:** debating 🤔🤔

**terpot:** oh come on dorky don't be like that

 **terpot:** u don't need an invitation

**terpe:** i would be.....

**terpot:** _@terpe_ shush

 **terpot:** anyway now im curious

 **terpot:** who invited u

**casdor:** remus’ friend lily

**terpot:** don't know a remus and don't know a lily

 **terpot:** but period

 **terpot:** THE MORE THE BETTER

**casdor:** dude remus is that friend of mine from yoga class??

 **casdor:** that i had lunch with like 2 days ago??

 **casdor:** and TOLD YOU abt????

**terpot:** oH

 **terpot:** FUN!!!!!!

**casdor:** yeah he’s the best

 **casdor:** and his friend lily is the sweetest girl ive ever met

 **casdor:** but she can surely cut a bitch

 **casdor:** so yAY

 **casdor:** and apparently ur friend sirius was the one who invited her

 **casdor:** i actually kinda met him yesterday??

 **casdor:** him and his cute blonde friend

**terpot:** oh thats marlene

 **terpot:** i've met her a couple times

 **terpot:** shes kinda scary but really nice and funny

**casdor:** yeah she was

 **casdor:** uhm

 **casdor:** kinda....weird??

 **casdor:** like she barely said hi

 **casdor:** and sirius was kinda weird too like he looked at me and remus like he had just seen a ghost or sumn

 **casdor:** but yk shes hot so i will continue to excuse such behavior

**terpot:** lmao

 **terpot:** anyway

 **terpot:** party starts at 10

 **terpot:** there’ll be booze already but feel free to bring whatever u fancy

**casdor:** fuck yes im bringing wine

**terpe:** wine??? to a party??

 **terpe:** why are u fifty years old

**casdor:** petey boy you have a lot to learn from mummy here

 **casdor:** getting wine drunk in a party is

 **casdor:** the actual

 **casdor:** most fun thing

 **casdor:** on planet earth

 **casdor:** especially if its cheap wine 😍😍😍

**terpe:** lmfao

 **terpe:** but are u going to tesco then?

 **terpe:** can u get me a smirnoff 🥺🥺

 **terpe:** i'll venmo u the money dw

**casdor:** smirnoff ew

 **casdor:** but sure

 **casdor:** want any mixers??

**terpe:** a tonic should be fine

 **terpe:** cheers

**casdor:** k great

 **casdor:** talk to u fuckers later

 **casdor:** DORCO OUT

 **casdor:** PEACE

_[Effie’s Boyz ASF]_

_2:34PM_

**prongs:** i hope u have our eenie meenie routine memorized by now

 **prongs:** cause the playlist for tonight is LIT

**padfoot:** prongs we’ve been doing this routine since we were 14

 **padfoot:** i couldn't forget it if i tried

**prongs:** good

 **prongs:** cause don't forget.....

 **prongs:** YOUR part is justin bieber’s

 **prongs:** mine is sean kingston’s

**padfoot:** bro YOU were the one who stole my part that time at our school graduation party

**prongs:** im sorry u know how much i love mr. bieber 🥺 got too excited......

 **prongs:** but just checkinnn

**padfoot:** lol dickhead

 **padfoot:** yo send me the link to the playlist

 **padfoot:** finna geT THIS PARTY STARTEEED

**prongs:** OK OK

 **prongs:** ACTUALLY IM GONNA MAKE IT COLLABORATIVE

 **prongs:** AND U CAN ADD UR OWN SONGS

**padfoot:** duDE

 **padfoot:** CORRECT ME IF IM WRONG

 **padfoot:** BUT I THINK I SMELL

 **padfoot:** 2000s NIGHT

**prongs:** FUCK

 **prongs:** YES

 **prongs:** 2000s NIGHT

**padfoot:** DUDE THE WAY I’LL BE BLASTING PON DE REPLAY-

**prongs:** COME MR DJ SONG PON DE REPLAY

**padfoot:** COME MR DJ WONT YOU TURN THE MUSIC UP

_[MoonFlower <3]_

_4:15PM_

**gingertaylorswift:** im gonna be very nice and calm so you can understand AND cooperate

 **gingertaylorswift:** dorcas just sent me the link to this james potter guy’s playlist for tonight

 **gingertaylorswift:** its collaborative so we can add whichever songs we want as long as its 2000s

**therealslimmoony:** why did she send it to YOU??? ive been friends with her the longest.....

**gingertaylorswift:** she said she was gonna send it to u and then i had to stop her

 **gingertaylorswift:** cause she doesn't know abt the conversation that we need to have

 **gingertaylorswift:** regarding collaborative playlists

 **gingertaylorswift:** ESPECIALLY a 2000s collaborative playlist

**therealslimmoony:** wdym

 **therealslimmoony:** oh

 **therealslimmoony:** OH

 **therealslimmoony:** KCNEKNCEJKNCMCKLMCE

**gingertaylorswift:** remus PLEASE

 **gingertaylorswift:** i will send you the link cause you have good taste

 **gingertaylorswift:** but PLEASE

**therealslimmoony:** too late

 **therealslimmoony:** u cant stop me

 **therealslimmoony:** my mind is set on this already.

**gingertaylorswift:** REMUS PLEASE DONT ADD THE REAL SLIM SHADY BY EMINEM 10 TIMES

 **gingertaylorswift:** YOU DO THIS EVERY TIME U GET AUX AND I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH UR ROUTINE

**therealslimmoony:** IF U HADNT SAID ANYTHING ID PROBABLY HAVE FORGOTTEN

 **therealslimmoony:** BUT NO

 **therealslimmoony:** YOU REMINDED ME

 **therealslimmoony:** AND NOW I HAVE TO DO IT

 **therealslimmoony:** AND ITS NOT A MERE “ROUTINE” ???????

 **therealslimmoony:** its a PERFORMANCE

 **therealslimmoony:** PUT SOME RESPECT

**gingertaylorswift:** remus im begging you......

**therealslimmoony:** nope

 **therealslimmoony:** link🤲

**gingertaylorswift:** ugh

 **gingertaylorswift:** i hate you so much

_[Destiny’s Child]_

_6:53PM_

**barksexybark:** marlene

 **barksexybark:** why did you add a total of

 **barksexybark:** 17

 **barksexybark:** daddy yankee songs

 **barksexybark:** to james’ playlist

**marleyandme:** please

 **marleyandme:** as if i’d ever settle for exclusively colonizer music

 **marleyandme:** NEVER

 **marleyandme:** my mum would whoop my ass with a chancleta if she found out i was not spreading latin american culture to y’all unspiced mfs

 **marleyandme:** MY COSTA RICAN ASS WILL BE SHAKING SO MUCH TONIGHT ONG

 **marleyandme:** I ADDED SOME NICKY JAM SONGS TOO

**bigmac:** shit im so ready for this

 **bigmac:** drunk marls starts speaking spanish

 **bigmac:** and dancing on tables

 **bigmac:** and making out with everyone

 **bigmac:** remember that time you even made out with BENJY 😭😭😭

**marleyandme:** omg dont remind me

**barksexybark:** BENJY??

 **barksexybark:** BENJY FENWICK????

 **barksexybark:** WHY DIDNT I KNOW ABOUT THIS?????

 **barksexybark:** ISNT BENJY GAY OR SUMN

**bigmac:** YES LIKE ASF

**marleyandme:** i never told you cause i’d never hear the end of it

 **marleyandme:** so thanks macdonald

**bigmac:** always happy to help 🤗

**barksexybark:** LMFAOOOOOOO

 **barksexybark:** A LESBIAN AND A GAY MAKING OUT

 **barksexybark:** PLSSSSS

**marleyandme:** bruh u act as if i hadnt caught you making out with alice fortescue at caradoc’s 19th bday party

**barksexybark:** she wanTED TO MAKE FRANK JEALOUS AND I’M A GOOD FRIEND

 **barksexybark:** also unrelated but a guy with a weird name added the real slim shady to the playlist

 **barksexybark:** like

 **barksexybark:** 12 times

**marleyandme:** lmfao wtf

_[Marauderzzz]_

_10:24PM_

**padsies:** mwrlene maary and i are pn owr wjy

**pwonggy:** translation

**wormysoftboy:** i believe he said marlene mary and him are on their way

**pwonggy:** oh ok

 **pwonggy:** _@padsies_ mate are u drunk already???

**padsies:** 🤏🤏🤏

 **padsies:** we dpd a litttlr pre gwmyng

**wormysoftboy:** they did a little pre gaming

**pwonggy:** yeah i got that

 **pwonggy:** but anyway hurry up

 **pwonggy:** there are already a bunch of ppl here

 **pwonggy:** AND

 **pwonggy:** WE HAVE WORMY’S CUPCAKESSSSS

**padsies:** I LUV WORMHY’S CUBCWAKED

 **padsies:** ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

_[Destiny’s Child]_

_10:49PM_

**bigmac:** im sending this here so i can have it registered:

 **bigmac:** i will NOT be taking care of any of u two idiots tnt

 **bigmac:** YOU decided to pre game.......and i barely had a sip

 **bigmac:** bc im what???

 **bigmac:** responsible

 **bigmac:** so please

 **bigmac:** dont embarrass me.

**barksexybark:** OKKK MJUMMMMMM

**marleyandme:** PROMETO PORTARME BIEN MAMIIII

**bigmac:** fucking christ

_[Chaotic Gay + Mean Lesbian = Ellen DeGeneres]_

_11:12PM_

**jojosiwa:** DDUDE

 **jojosiwa:** SWRIS

 **jojosiwa:** SSIRIDJ

 **jojosiwa:** WHRE R U

**frankiegrande:** IM BY THR BARR

 **frankiegrande:** WHT

 **frankiegrande:** WHY

**jojosiwa:** DORCDS IS HWRT

 **jojosiwa:** HERT

 **jojosiwa:** HERE

**frankiegrande:** FCK

 **frankiegrande:** THEY RLLY CWME

 **frankiegrande:** SP

 **frankiegrande:** SO

 **frankiegrande:** THW GUY

 **frankiegrande:** IS HRE TOO

**jojosiwa:** SI

**jojosiwa:** ÉL ESTÁ AQUÍ

**frankiegrande:** HWW CAN U TYPR PERFCTY IN SPANISJ EVEN WHN DRRUNK

**jojosiwa:** IM SUPERIIOR GWT USED TP IT

_[Dorco & Jamie-o]_

_11:21PM_

**jamieasf:** DORCO

 **jamieasf:** JDNCEODCOEC

 **jamieasf:** DORCS

**dormfcas:** yes?

**jamieasf:** WHO IS THIIS GIRL WIT U

 **jamieasf:** THW REDHWAD

**dormfcas:** oh

 **dormfcas:** its lily

 **dormfcas:** yk the one i told u abt

 **dormfcas:** why??

**jamieasf:** IDJCOIEJCENDWENDOIJCKNEMKJNVNO

_[Effie’s Boyz ASF]_

_11:24PM_

**prongs:** DUDE

 **prongs:** DYDE

 **prongs:** EKENKERNKJENKEMCKVNKR

**padfoot:** WAT

 **padfoot:** WHAT

**prongs:** I THYNK IM IN LOVE

 **prongs:** KDPOQKWPFOKENRICKLWDMENVH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- in case anyone is confused: a chancleta is a flipflop (can also be called chancla, and in some latin american countries it can be called chinela — such as my country). latin american kids know the fear of a flying chinela/chancleta lmfao 😭😭 (no we're not ok)  
> \- prometo portarme bien mami = i promise to behave mummy (lol)  
> \- also im aware eenie meenie by sean kingston is from 2010, but we're gonna pretend its a 2000s hit. cool? cool.
> 
> thank you guys sm for all the comments and support omg????? im so happy wtffff <33


	4. CHAPTER 4: Brunch and Roll

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kinda long cause i didnt know where exactly to split it..... enjoy besties!!!!!!! :))

_[Dorco & Jamie-o]_

_11:31PM_

**jamieasf:** dorc,,,,

 **jamieasf:** you do rwalize u brout Thz luv of my liffe

 **jamieasf:** to diss partty

**dormfcas:** bitch-

 **dormfcas:** first of all:

 **dormfcas:** how drunk are you

 **dormfcas:** second of all:

 **dormfcas:** where are you

 **dormfcas:** and THIRD:

 **dormfcas:** LILY????

 **dormfcas:** LMFAOOOOO

**jamieasf:** YEES

 **jamieasf:** LILY

 **jamieasf:** EJNFEOFJIOEJFVPE

 **jamieasf:** THATS THHE PRETTIZT NME IN DA WORLD

 **jamieasf:** WATS HER LWST NAMR

**dormfcas:** ffs-

 **dormfcas:** its evans ??

 **dormfcas:** yeah i think its evans,,, pretty sure

**jamieasf:** JAMES EVWNS POTTR

 **jamieasf:** ORRRR

 **jamieasf:** JAMES POTTER EVVANS

 **jamieasf:** OMGGKGGGHH

**dormfcas:** bro CHILL lmfao

**jamieasf:** JSJSJENIECEOKC

**dormfcas:** look

 **dormfcas:** why dont u go get sum water

 **dormfcas:** sober up a bit

 **dormfcas:** n idk try talkin to her

 **dormfcas:** SMOOTHLY potter

 **dormfcas:** SMOOTHLY

 **dormfcas:** shes nice so as long as u are not a dick i dont see why it would go wrong

 **dormfcas:** but i do understand sumtimes u lack braincells......

**jamieasf:** OKOKOKOKOKOKOKOKOK

_[Dorco & Jamie-o]_

_11:57PM_

**jamieasf:** she hqtes me.

**dormfcas:** WHAT DID U DO LMFAOOOOO

**jamieasf:** i todl her her hair remnded me of

 **jamieasf:** garfield

 **jamieasf:** thr cat

**dormfcas:** oh mY GOD??????

 **dormfcas:** JFCEKNCENRIJEKNEOEVENKLV

**jamieasf:** dont lauvgh 😭😭😭😭😭

 **jamieasf:** she looekd at me lik

 **jamieasf:** dude

 **jamieasf:** wats ur problwm

 **jamieasf:** and NOT in a fynny wya

**jamieasf:** cas???

**dormfcas:** SORRY IM STILL LAUGHING JNJWNFIENEJICKJNFVER

 **dormfcas:** SIRIUS JUST CALLED YOU STUPID BTW

**jamieasf:** siRIS??

**dormfcas:** yeah we’re out here on the balcony

 **dormfcas:** i was feeling kinda dizzy cause of da wine and he was drunk asf

 **dormfcas:** poor thing was.....rough lol

 **dormfcas:** and i came out here to have lil joint as one does cause it helps sobering me up a bit

 **dormfcas:** from alcohol that is lmao

 **dormfcas:** and i just asked if he wanted one too cause im a nice lady and homeboy was GONE

 **dormfcas:** and now we’re here

 **dormfcas:** he’s actually not as weird as i thought

 **dormfcas:** we’re friends now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **dormfcas:** WE ARE HIGH AND FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**jamieasf:** im nt sure if i apprve this freindship

 **jamieasf:** it migt not b good for me

**dormfcas:** we’re too hot??? 🥺🥺🥺

 **dormfcas:** too much power?????? 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

_[Marauderzzz]_

_11:57PM_

**pwonggy:** they ask u hw u r and you jst have to say that ur fine

 **pwonggy:** but ur nnot rlly fine but u cant get into it cus tehy would nevr undrstandd

**wormysoftboy:** quoting katy perry

 **wormysoftboy:** r u ok????

**pwonggy:** no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**wormysoftboy:** yikes

**padsies:** HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHA

**pwonggy:** fuCK OFFFFFF

 **pwonggy:** 💔💔💔

 **pwonggy:** i need 2 go mke out w someone

 **pwonggy:** i need 2 heal 🧘🏽‍♂️🍃

**pwonggy:** _@padsies_ r u still w cas ????

**padsies:** ily but im not making out w u

 **padsies:** and dorcas says taht no fuckin way

**pwonggy:** duDE NO

 **pwonggy:** shes freinds w fab prewett n hes cut

 **pwonggy:** cute

**padsies:** oh,,

 **padsies:** she says she doesnt knwo where he is

**pwonggy:** fffuck

 **pwonggy:** imma go HUNT 🏃🏽‍♂️🏃🏽‍♂️🏃🏽‍♂️

**wormysoftboy:** brO ITS AT LEAST THE THIRD TIME THE REAL SLIM SHADY PLAYS

 **wormysoftboy:** ON REPEAT

 **wormysoftboy:** WHO TF ADDED IT SO MANY TIMES TO THE PLAYLIST

_[Lily Evans & Dorcas Meadowes]_

_12:02AM_

**lily:** cas!!

 **lily:** i need ur help....like rn

**dorcas:** hey lils

 **dorcas:** where r u

**lily:** in the living room

 **lily:** pls come here....PLEASE

**dorcas:** okokok im coming

 **dorcas:** sirius black is with me btw

 **dorcas:** what happened???

**lily:** do u know what song is playing???

**dorcas:** isn't it that eminem one

**lily:**........

 **lily:** pls come

_[Destiny’s Child]_

_12:04AM_

**barksexybark:** oh

 **barksexybark:** my

 **barksexybark:** god

**bigmac:** what

**barksexybark:** ooojjhh mmy goddd

 **barksexybark:** someone please come to the living room

 **barksexybark:** i need assistance

**bigmac:** im kinda busy rn

 **bigmac:** _@marleyandme_ ?????

**barksexybark:** dude its him

 **barksexybark:** the guy

 **barksexybark:** like teh actual hottest guy ive everr seen ??

 **barksexybark:** dqncing on the coffee table

 **barksexybark:** and singing

 **barksexybark:** to the rael slim shhady

 **barksexybark:** he hasnt missd a word

 **barksexybark:** tihs is so strangely attrctive

**barksexybark:** SOMEONE COME !!!!!!!!!!

 **barksexybark:** YALL NEEDD TO SEE DA MAN OF MY DRAEMS

**marleyandme:** IM PEEING

 **marleyandme:** PISSS OFF

 **marleyandme:** JNCJWJDOIWJEDNJWEIDNCIEDC

 **marleyandme:** taht was goodd lfmao

**bigmac:** u’ll pay me for this

_[Say No To Colonizers]_

_12:06AM_

**notvirginmary:** BRO

 **notvirginmary:** MARLENE

 **notvirginmary:** KCNEKFEVOE

 **notvirginmary:** OH MY GOD

 **notvirginmary:** KEDWKFOEVKWKOKMC

 **notvirginmary:** I PROBABLY SHOULDNT BE LAUGHING BUT THIS IS SO FUNNY

**lesbianandharrystyles:** whAT WAHT WJAT WHAT

**notvirginmary:** MARLENE

 **notvirginmary:** THE GUY

 **notvirginmary:** SIRIUS IS LIKE IN LOVE WITH

 **notvirginmary:** OH MY GODNJVENFIRV

**lesbianandharrystyles:** MARY EHST

 **lesbianandharrystyles:** WHAT

**notvirginmary:** BRUH

 **notvirginmary:** HIS NAME IS REMUS

 **notvirginmary:** AND

 **notvirginmary:** I HOOKED UP WITH HIM

 **notvirginmary:** LIKE LAST WEEKEND

 **notvirginmary:** ERFJOIFEJVIOWDJNFIEOKDKWEJDWMFJE

 **notvirginmary:** 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

**lesbianandharrystyles:** NOOOOJEDDEOFKEKC

 **lesbianandharrystyles:** JEDJNFJNFEJEFEPKWP

**notvirginmary:** SIRIUS WILL CUT MY TITS OFF

**lesbianandharrystyles:** MST LIKELT

 **lesbianandharrystyles:** MOST LIKELY

_[MoonFlower <3]_

_9:37AM_

**therealslimmoony:** yesterday was my 13th reason

 **therealslimmoony:** really lilith

 **therealslimmoony:** oh my fucking god

**gingertaylorswift:** at least ur self aware

 **gingertaylorswift:** you know i stopped drinking after like half an hour bc of u

 **gingertaylorswift:** u started taking vodka shots

 **gingertaylorswift:** with that caradoc dearborn

 **gingertaylorswift:** and then marlene mckinnon came along

 **gingertaylorswift:** and made you take four shots of tequila with her

 **gingertaylorswift:** which btw

 **gingertaylorswift:** shes like

 **gingertaylorswift:** the best????

 **gingertaylorswift:** like the first thing she did when she saw me was DRAG me to play beer pong with her

 **gingertaylorswift:** against edgar bones and amos diggory

 **gingertaylorswift:** u know those two guys in the debate club

 **gingertaylorswift:** and when we won she started screaming “SUCK MY TITS COLONIZERS!!!!! SUCK MY TITS!!!!!!!!!!”

 **gingertaylorswift:** and some stuff in spanish that i didnt catch

 **gingertaylorswift:** BUT i had to stop drinking after that bc SOMEONE

 **gingertaylorswift:** is a lightweight and starts tripping over their feet after ONE BEER

**therealslimmoony:** oh my god

 **therealslimmoony:** and then

 **therealslimmoony:** the real slim shady......

 **therealslimmoony:** how many times was it

 **therealslimmoony:** 3??

**gingertaylorswift:** five

 **gingertaylorswift:** and a half

**therealslimmoony:** oh my god???

**gingertaylorswift:** yeah.....

 **gingertaylorswift:** until i texted dorcas and she tackled u to the floor

 **gingertaylorswift:** who knew a yoga bitch could be so aggressive

**therealslimmoony:** shes like a blue belt in krav maga

**gingertaylorswift:** makes sense

**therealslimmoony:** that's it i wanna die 😍😍😍

 **therealslimmoony:** and i also feel like im dying

**gingertaylorswift:** i put some aspirin in the back pocket of ur jeans

**therealslimmoony:** i love you so much

**gingertaylorswift:** yeah yeah

_[Destiny’s Child]_

_10:04AM_

**marleyandme:** i will be offing myself in about 15 minutes so if you’d like to say ur last words to me this is your last chance

**barksexybark:** you really do look like a hey mamas lesbian. i always meant it.

**marleyandme:** i will never be able to put into words how much i hate you

 **marleyandme:** i cant even grasp how much i hate you

 **marleyandme:** i hate u with a PASSION

**barksexybark:** stop ur too sweet 🥺🥺🥺

**bigmac:** lol

 **bigmac:** are you *that* hungover??

**marleyandme:** uhm yES?

 **marleyandme:** what a question to ask

 **marleyandme:** you saw the state i was in last night

**bigmac:** i prefer not to be reminded

**marleyandme:** but *i* need to be reminded

 **marleyandme:** i just remember glimpses of it

 **marleyandme:** like random blurry images

**bigmac:** well

 **bigmac:** you played beer pong against bones and diggory from the debate club

 **bigmac:** and won

 **bigmac:** and started screaming

 **bigmac:** and calling them HIJOS DE PUTAAAA

 **bigmac:** and telling them to suck ur tits

**marleyandme:** mi padre santo

 **marleyandme:** alone????

**bigmac:** no actually

 **bigmac:** u dragged a redhead to play with you

 **bigmac:** i suppose that was the nuwanda cat girl lily...???

**marleyandme:** oH MY GOD

 **marleyandme:** I REMEMBER IT NOW

 **marleyandme:** YES I PLAYED BEER PONG WITH LILY

 **marleyandme:** GOD THAT GIRL IS AMAZING

 **marleyandme:** IM LIKE OBSESSED WITH HER

**bigmac:** she seemed really sweet

**marleyandme:** what else???

**bigmac:** you got up on the kitchen counter and started dancing rompe

**marleyandme:** well

 **marleyandme:** as i should tbh

 **marleyandme:** that song should not slap as hard as it does

**bigmac:** yeah sirius danced with u too

**barksexybark:** 😎😎😎😎

**marleyandme:** ew

 **marleyandme:** i might have to shower again

**barksexybark:** fucking jojo siwa dude.....

 **barksexybark:** always with the jokes

 **barksexybark:** good old jojo

**bigmac:** lol anyway

 **bigmac:** you also took tequila shots with uhm

 **bigmac:**........

 **bigmac:** the,,, guy....sirius is simping over

**marleyandme:** oh i think i remember that

 **marleyandme:** wait.......

 **marleyandme:** mary

 **marleyandme:** LMFAONEJENJFWDMWJDOWKD

**bigmac:** WEDLKDOWJIWNDKQOWKDKWDWKC

**barksexybark:** what's so funny

 **barksexybark:** did i miss something

**marleyandme:** OEKKEEPCEOCJRNVIWKQSKOKALS

**bigmac:** JWJIWDWICENCECIEJCIJW

**barksexybark:** BRO???????

**marleyandme:** mary

 **marleyandme:** break it to him

 **marleyandme:** rip off the bandaid

**barksexybark:**??????

**bigmac:** LMFAO ok.......

 **bigmac:** sirius

 **bigmac:** so

 **bigmac:** uhm

 **bigmac:** lol

 **bigmac:** remember last weekend

 **bigmac:** i had a tinder date

**barksexybark:** tinder hookup*

**bigmac:** whatever u wanna call it

 **bigmac:** with uhm

 **bigmac:** that english literature major guy

**barksexybark:** yeah why

 **barksexybark:** did u see him last night ??

 **barksexybark:** was he there?

**marleyandme:** this is the best day of my life

**bigmac:** uhm yeah actually lol

 **bigmac:** he was

 **bigmac:** its

 **bigmac:** its the guy

 **bigmac:** ur like in love with

**barksexybark:** nO

 **barksexybark:** THE REAL SLIM SHADY GUY???

 **barksexybark:** YOU SLEPT WITH HIM????????

**marleyandme:** OJCEHCJEIDWODEJCJOWKSKNDWJICWJICJWICJ

**bigmac:**.......yeah

**barksexybark:** bITCH

 **barksexybark:** WHY DO YOU ALWAYS GET THE CUTE GUYS BEFORE ME

**bigmac:** well

 **bigmac:** have you seen me???

**barksexybark:**.........

 **barksexybark:** ig that's fair

 **barksexybark:** did u hook up with him last night???????

**bigmac:** oh no no

 **bigmac:** after that eminem performance

 **bigmac:** i could never do that to myself

**barksexybark:** god that was so hot

**marleyandme:** i didnt see it but i can imagine it wasnt

**bigmac:** no yeah it wasnt

 **bigmac:** like not at all

 **bigmac:** not in the slightest

_[Unknown Number]_

_10:19AM_

**unknown number:** hi!

 **unknown number:** marlene?

 **unknown number:** its dorcas!!

 **unknown number:** from last night :)

_[Destiny’s Child]_

_10:19AM_

**marleyandme:** dude

 **marleyandme:** DUDE

 **marleyandme:** DUDEDUDEDUDEDUDE

**bigmac:** what what what

**marleyandme:** oH MY GOD

_[Unknown Number]_

_10:21AM_

**marlene:** uhm hi!!!

 **marlene:** just curious

 **marlene:** how did u get my number lol

**unknown number:** you....gave it to me

 **unknown number:** last night

**marlene:** oh

 **marlene:** right

_[Destiny’s Child]_

_10:23AM_

**marleyandme:** this is not a joke anymore i *will* be ending it all

**bigmac:** bro what's going on

**marleyandme:** GUESS WHO JUST TEXTED ME

 **marleyandme:** FUCKING DORCAS DUDE

 **marleyandme:** DORCAS

**barksexybark:** oH-

 **barksexybark:** FCWDIWJIJWIJWFIEIJEIEICIEJCJ

**bigmac:** help???

_[Unknown Number]_

_10:26AM_

_(_ ** _marlene_ ** _changed_ **_unknown number_ ** _’s name to_ **_dorcas_** _)_

**marlene:** sorry if i said anything stupid lol

**dorcas:** oh uhm... u weren't really....talking

_[Destiny’s Child]_

_10:26AM_

**marleyandme:** bitch i-

_[Marlene McKinnon & Dorcas Meadowes]_

_10:26AM_

**dorcas:** that's why i texted u actually

 **dorcas:** wanted to check up on u

**marlene:** oh

 **marlene:** thanks that's rlly sweet :))

 **marlene:** but uhm

 **marlene:** can u remind me why...exactly..i wasnt talking...??

**dorcas:** oh you were throwing up really bad :(((

 **dorcas:** i spent like an hour with u until sirius found us

_[Destiny’s Child]_

_10:29AM_

**marleyandme:** _@barksexybark_ SU PUTO DE MIERDA

 **marleyandme:** DIDNT YOU THINK ABOUT TELLING ME I WAS FUCKING THROWING UP LAST NIGHT

 **marleyandme:** AND THE WOMAN OF MY DREAMS WAS NOT ONLY SEEING IT

 **marleyandme:** BUT FUCKING HOLDING MY HAIR BACK

 **marleyandme:** YOU SON OF A BITCH

**barksexybark:** oops

 **barksexybark:** guess i forgot

**bigmac:** lmao omg

**marleyandme:** DUDE

 **marleyandme:** DO YOU KNOW HOW EMBARRASSING THIS IS

 **marleyandme:** *SHE* TEXTED ME TO ASK IF I WAS OK

 **marleyandme:** I COULDVE APOLOGIZED FIRST

 **marleyandme:** BUT NOOOO

 **marleyandme:** I HAD TO FUCKING *ASK* WHY SHE WAS CHECKING UP ON ME

**barksexybark:** look i actually forgot to tell you

 **barksexybark:** so im sorry abt that

 **barksexybark:** but that's really fucking funny bro ur life sucks LMFAO

_[Marlene McKinnon & Dorcas Meadowes]_

_10:32AM_

**marlene:** omg im so sorry u had to see that

**dorcas:** hahah dont worry abt it

 **dorcas:** i didnt mind it

 **dorcas:** u can pay me back for it one day

 **dorcas:** :)

_[Destiny’s Child]_

_10:30AM_

**marleyandme:** god im so fucking gay its not even funny

**bigmac:** wbk

_[Marlene McKinnon & Dorcas Meadowes]_

_10:32AM_

**dorcas:** and since we’re here

 **dorcas:** remus lily and i are abt to go have a reeeaaaallll greasy hangover brunch in like half an hour

 **dorcas:** maybe you’d like to come??

_[Destiny’s Child]_

_10:31AM_

**marleyandme:** _@barksexybark_ IM GOING ON A DATE WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND

 **marleyandme:** HAHA SUCK MY DICK

**barksexybark:** wHAT

**marleyandme:** DORCAS JUST INVITED ME FOR A HANGOVER BRUNCH

 **marleyandme:** AND HIM AND LILY ARE GOING

**bigmac:** omgggg

**barksexybark:** WHAT NO I WANNA GO

 **barksexybark:** THREE BROOMSTICKS SUNDAY BRUNCHES ARE THE BEST

 **barksexybark:** ASK IF I CAN COME PLS PLS PLS

**marleyandme:** bitch ????? she asked me to go have brunch with her friends

 **marleyandme:** this is like fucking meeting her family bruh

 **marleyandme:** you cant ruin it with your simp nation ass

**barksexybark:** but u already know them

**bigmac:** if this mf is going then im going too

**barksexybark:** plssss marleyyyyy 🥺🥺🥺

 **barksexybark:** i won't call u jojo siwa for a week i promise 🤞

**marleyandme:** ugh FINE

 **marleyandme:** i’ll ask her

_[Marlene McKinnon & Dorcas Meadowes]_

_10:34AM_

**marlene:** oh i’d love that !! :))

**dorcas:** yay!! :)

**marlene:** also uhm

 **marlene:** its TOTALLY fine if u say no but

 **marlene:** can i take 2 friends??

 **marlene:** sirius and mary macdonald?? idk if u know her

**dorcas:** oh yeah sure!! idk mary but id love to meet her!! just send me her number

 **dorcas:** and sirius is a sweetheart

 **dorcas:** also james potter just texted me asking if him and peter pettigrew can come along too

 **dorcas:** james wants to try a second good impression with lily lol

 **dorcas:** i'll tell u abt it there

**marlene:** ok great !!! :))

_[Destiny’s Child]_

_10:37AM_

**marleyandme:** get dressed bitches we’re going to brunch

_[Groupchat #1]_

_10:45AM_

_(_ ** _dorcas meadowes_ ** _changed the group’s name from_ **_Groupchat #1_ ** _to_ **_It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches_** _)_

 _(_ ** _dorcas meadowes_ ** _added_ **_marlene mckinnon_ ** _to_ **_It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches_** _)_

 _(_ ** _dorcas_** **_meadowes_** _added_ ** _sirius_** **_black_** _to_ ** _It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches_** _)_

 _(_ ** _dorcas_** **_meadowes_** _added_ ** _james potter_** _to_ ** _It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches_** _)_

 _(_ ** _dorcas_** **_meadowes_** _added_ ** _peter pettigrew_** _to I_ ** _t’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches_** _)_

 _(_ ** _dorcas_** **_meadowes_** _added_ ** _lily evans_** _to_ ** _It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches_** _)_

 _(_ ** _dorcas_** **_meadowes_** _added_ ** _mary macdonald_** _to_ ** _It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitche_** _s)_

 _(_ ** _dorcas_** **_meadowes_** _added_ ** _remus lupin_** _to_ ** _It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches_** _)_

**dorcas meadowes:** WHO’S READY TO BRUNCH AND ROLL WHORES

_[Destiny’s Child]_

_10:37AM_

**barksexybark:** whose kinky ass is called fucking remus lupin

**bigmac:**......

**marleyandme:**......

**barksexybark:** oh

 **barksexybark:** oh my god-


	5. CHAPTER 5: Papas Pays the Bill

_[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]_

_12:47PM_

**dorcas meadowes:** so

 **dorcas meadowes:** it was fun!!

**sirius black:** _@james potte_ r thanks for paying the whole bill papas 🤤🤤🤤

**james potter:** i will *not* be falling for that again

 **james potter:** i’ll have u know this only happened because i was still a lil drunk

 **james potter:** BUT NO MORE!

**marlene mckinnon:** how did he get you to pay the entire bill lol

**james potter:** he said my credit card looked too big

 **james potter:** and that it probably wouldnt fit in the machine

 **james potter:**...........i said that of course not and i could prove him wrong

 **james potter:** and he knows my pin

**sirius black:** sugar daddy asfffff 😩😍

**peter pettigrew:** omg

**mary macdonald:** lol

**dorcas meadowes:** okok james is stupid

 **dorcas meadowes:** but that's old news

 **dorcas meadowes:** my problem here is

 **dorcas meadowes:** y’all mfs were eating as if u had never been fed before in ur lives

 **dorcas meadowes:** which led to us barely talking

 **dorcas meadowes:** and there’s some ppl here i dont know that well

 **dorcas meadowes:** and would love to!

_[Destiny’s Child]_

_12:51PM_

**marleyandme:** she’s talking about me ;)

**bigmac:** or me????

**marleyandme:** 🤔🤔🤔🤔

 **marleyandme:** nah its about me ;)

_[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]_

_12:51PM_

**dorcas meadowes:** so here's what we’re gonna do:

 **dorcas meadowes:** we’re gonna say our names, major, star sign and idk something interesting abt ourselves

 **dorcas meadowes:** capiche??

**lily evans:** capiche!

**peter pettigrew:** capiche

**marlene mckinnon:** capiche

**remus lupin:** capiche

**sirius black:** capiche

**james potter:** capiche

**mary macdonald:** capiche

**dorcas meadowes:** perf :)

 **dorcas meadowes:** i'll start

 **dorcas meadowes:** hello kids my name is dorcas meadowes

 **dorcas meadowes:** i major in environmental biology

 **dorcas meadowes:** im a taurus

 **dorcas meadowes:** and uhm

 **dorcas meadowes:** when i was in year 7 i used to run a panic! at the disco fan acc.........

**remus lupin:** oh my god..???

**sirius black:** plssss i know you were *not* a scene kid-

**dorcas meadowes:**..........

 **dorcas meadowes:** i was indeed a scene kid.

**mary macdonald:** DCKWNCICJIEDOWKEDOWKCO

_[Destiny’s Child]_

_12:56PM_

**marleyandme:** _@barksexybark_ cmon frankie grande

 **marleyandme:** lets put u to good use

 **marleyandme:** virgo and taurus

 **marleyandme:** compatible?????

**barksexybark:** hmmmm

 **barksexybark:** actually yeah id say so

 **barksexybark:** 2 earth signs

 **barksexybark:** with great chemistry

**marleyandme:** fuCK YES

_[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]_

_12:57PM_

**james potter:** LMFAO u never told me that

 **james potter:** sirius was a theatre kid lol

**sirius black:** dude????????

**lily evans:** LMFAOO

**sirius black:** james joined the pottery club solely for his last name.

**james potter:** give me back the mug i gave u.

**sirius black:** nonono sorry sorry u know i love that mug its where i keep my brushes

 **sirius black:** he painted a dog on it :)

**james potter:** :))

_(_ ** _dorcas meadowes_ ** _changed their name to_ **_rawrdorkyXD_** _)_

**rawrdorkyXD:** also new rule we have to change our nicknames cause this is looking too boring and its annoying me

 **rawrdorkyXD:** alright who's next??

**sirius black:** me

 **sirius black:** ok

 **sirius black:** good afternoon fuckers im sirius black

 **sirius black:** i major in fine arts

 **sirius black:** im a scorpio (+ sagittarius moon and libra rising)

 **sirius black:** and me coming home with my nails painted was the *very last drop* for my parents to disown me at 16 😍😍

**rawrdorkyXD:** oh my god???

 **rawrdorkyXD:** sweetie im so sorry

**lily evans:** that sucks sirius im sorry :((((

**sirius black:** lol dont worry its fine

 **sirius black:** like...... actually fine

 **sirius black:** james’ parents took me in

 **sirius black:** and then like a year later a very rich and very gay uncle of mine died and left a shit load of money to me

 **sirius black:** so purrrrr

 **sirius black:** and then i got a scholarship for college!!!!!!

**james potter:** FUCK YES

 **james potter:** SLUMBER PARTY ALL DAY EVERY DAY

**sirius black:** YUP YUP YUP

**james potter:** rip alphard tho 😞

**sirius black:** yeah.. uncle alphie..... rest in peace, babes.. rest in piece luv

_(_ ** _sirius black_ ** _changed their name to_ **_toohottohandle_** _)_

**marlene mckinnon:** ffs

**lily evans:** too hot to handle??? really????

**toohottohandle:** its my dream to go on that show.

**remus lupin:** i dont even think netflix renewed it tho.......

**toohottohandle:** i’ll find a way.

**remus lupin:** lmfao

_[Destiny’s Child]_

_1:12PM_

**barksexybark:** mission “make the hottie laugh”: accomplished ✅

**marleyandme:** i dont think he's laughing with you

 **marleyandme:** but *at* you

**barksexybark:** still made him laugh

_[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]_

_1:12PM_

**mary macdonald:** ok im next best friends

 **mary macdonald:** im mary macdonald

 **mary macdonald:** im a computer engineering major

**rawrdorkyXD:** oooohhh okay shes smarttttt

**mary macdonald:** purrrr

**toohottohandle:** mary macdonald is a computer nerd: confirmed

**marlene mckinnon:** it all started in year 4.... sims 3 had just been released....

**mary macdonald:** oh the good old days.......

 **mary macdonald:** loln t ways

 **mary macdonald:** im a leo

 **mary macdonald:** and interesting fact about me is that i slept with _@remus lupin_ last weekend

**rawrdorkyXD:** bRUH-

**remus lupin:** DUDE EKCNKWDWDMKWCOWKCKCM

 **remus lupin:** AKKMDLWMEDJWNIJERVJEJFIOEJCJEIEJCENCJECE

 **remus lupin:** I WAS GONNA SAY SOMETHING AT BRUNCH BUT I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE AWKWARD

 **remus lupin:** OH MY GOD KENIJCICJNDMKJDIWECJWC

**mary macdonald:** KDJDCNJENCNECJNJCCNJCINNCN

**lily evans:** _@remus lupin_ THIS is the mary from last weekend????????

**remus lupin:** YUP.

**lily evans:** OH MT GODCEIJEJVIEJVEVIEJOE

_(_ ** _mary macdonald_ ** _changed their name to_ **_simmermary69_** _)_

**simmermary69:** that's my origin username............

**jamespotter:** 69???? in year 4??????

**simmermary69:** i had very early access to the internet as a kid..

 **simmermary69:** ok now i nominate my luvr _@remus lupin_ to go next

**remus lupin:** LMFAO ok

 **remus lupin:** uhm im remus lupin

 **remus lupin:** i am aware my name is the most ridiculous thing on the planet. no need to remind me.

 **remus lupin:** i major in english literature

 **remus lupin:** im a pisces

_[Destiny’s Child]_

_1:22PM_

**barksexybark:** NO FUCKING WAY

 **barksexybark:** THIS MF IS NOT A PISCES

**bigmac:**??????

**barksexybark:** DUDE

 **barksexybark:** SCORPIO + PISCES = SOULMATES

 **barksexybark:** THIS IS MEANT TO BE IM TELLING YOU

**marleyandme:** sit ur fucking ass down simp nation

_[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]_

_1:23PM_

**remus lupin:** i dont really know much abt astrology tho so idk what it means

**toohottohandle:** it means you go well with scorpios

**remus lupin:** oh

 **remus lupin:** cool ig

 **remus lupin:** lol

_[Destiny’s Child]_

_1:24PM_

**marleyandme:** OOOOOHHHHH

 **marleyandme:** OOOOOJHHJEJEJE

 **marleyandme:** HOLY SHIT THAT WAS SO EMBARRASSING

 **marleyandme:** NKNFEIJEFNWKDOWK

**barksexybark:** stfu

_[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]_

_1:24PM_

**remus lupin:** and fun fact

 **remus lupin:** lily used to sell slimes at school in year 5

 **remus lupin:** (illegally)

**lily evans:** BRO

 **lily evans:** FUN FACT ABOUT *YOURSELF*

**remus lupin:** i used to buy them??

 **remus lupin:** that caramel frapuccino with pink glitter one was The Bomb 😩😩

**lily evans:** that was a bestseller 🥰 my pride and joy

**marlene mckinnon:** wait so u two are like childhood besties??

**remus lupin:** yeah

 **remus lupin:** we used to go to the same synagogue

 **remus lupin:** and our parents are friends

 **remus lupin:** but we got close cause i went to her bat mitzvah cause yk my family was invited

 **remus lupin:** and that was easily the best fucking party ive ever been to to this day.

 **remus lupin:** the evans really know how to throw a party i’ll tell you that

**lily evans:** YUP

 **lily evans:** and we got so close that like 6 months later he transferred schools so we could study together

 **lily evans:** we’ve been kinda inseparable ever since

**rawrdorkyXD:** awww

**lily evans:** besties 4 life asfff

**remus lupin:** 🤝

**james potter:** ok mr lupin

 **james potter:** now to the nickname

**remus lupin:** uhm ok..

 **remus lupin:** lemme think

_(_ ** _remus lupin_ ** _changed their name to_ **_remrem_** _)_

**lily evans:** ew wtf

 **lily evans:** remrem????

**remrem:** i couldn't thing of anything ://

_(_ ** _lily evans_ ** _changed_ **_remrem_ ** _’s_ _name to_ **_sexymoonman_** _)_

**sexymoonman:** you are insufferable.

**lily evans:** ♥️♥️♥️

**james potter:** moon??

**sexymoonman:** yeah lily calls me moony since we were 13

 **sexymoonman:** but that's a story for another day

_[Marauderzzz]_

_1:31PM_

**pwonggy:** DUDES

 **pwonggy:** HE HAS A COOL NICKNAME TOO

**padsies:** yeah and?

**pwonggy:** IM SENSING THE COMING OF A FOURTH MARAUDER

 **pwonggy:** CAN YOU IMAGINE

 **pwonggy:** MOONY WORMTAIL PADFOOT AND PRONGS

 **pwonggy:** FUCK IM GONNA GET THAT TATTOOED

**padsies:** uhm

 **padsies:** shouldn't we check with him first??

 **padsies:** and wormy?

 **padsies:** where is he btw???

**pwonggy:** FUCK IT IM ADDING HIM HERE

**padsies:** james

_(_ ** _pwonggy_ ** _added_ **_remus lupin_ ** _to_ **_Marauderzzz_** _)_

 _(_ ** _pwonggy_ ** _changed_ **_remus lupin_ ** _’s name to_ **_bakamoonyasf_** _)_

**padsies:** omg not baka prongs ur gonna scare him off

**bakamoonyasf:** uhm

 **bakamoonyasf:** hello?

**pwonggy:** YOUR DOPE NICKNAME HAS BROUGHT YOU HERE TODAY, MY FRIEND

 **pwonggy:** AND THERE’S NO ESCAPING NOW.

_[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]_

_1:34PM_

**rawrdorkyXD:** bro where tf is peter

 **rawrdorkyXD:** he hasn't said anything in like 40 minutes

**toohottohandle:** i was wondering the same thing...

**james potter:** _@peter pettigrew_

 **james potter:** _@peter pettigrew_

 **james potter:** _@peter pettigrew_

 **james potter:** _@peter pettigrew_

 **james potter:** _@peter pettigrew_

 **james potter:** _@peter pettigrew_

**peter pettigrew:** oh shit i forgot

 **peter pettigrew:** sorry guys i was making croissants for class

 **peter pettigrew:** what are we talking about???

**rawrdorkyXD:** say ur name, major, star sign and a fun fact

**peter pettigrew:** uhm.. ok

 **peter pettigrew:** peter pettigrew

 **peter pettigrew:** im a baking and pastry arts major

 **peter pettigrew:** i dont remember my sign

 **peter pettigrew:** _@toohottohandle_ ???

**toohottohandle:** gemini

**peter pettigrew:** ok im a gemini

 **peter pettigrew:** and im allergic to peanuts

 **peter pettigrew:** which is not that good for someone with a major like mine

 **peter pettigrew:** but yeah!!

**marlene mckinnon:** lol

 **marlene mckinnon:** ok now you gotta change ur nickname

_(_ ** _peter pettigrew_ ** _changed their name to_ **_buddyvalastro_** _)_

**lily evans:** who tf is buddy valastro???

**toohottohandle:** bro???

 **toohottohandle:** cake boss????

 **toohottohandle:** king of new jersey?????

**lily evans:**.........

**buddyvalastro:** uncultured....

**marlene mckinnon:** ok now to me

 **marlene mckinnon:** marlene mckinnon

 **marlene mckinnon:** majoring in political science

 **marlene mckinnon:** im a virgo

**rawrdorkyXD:** oh i love virgos!!!!!

**marlene mckinnon:** :))

 **marlene mckinnon:** oh and i moved from costa rica to the uk when i was 6

 **marlene mckinnon:** and now im in colonizer land

 **marlene mckinnon:** no fun

 **marlene mckinnon:** but u do what u gotta do

_(_ ** _marlene mckinnon_ ** _changed their name to_ **_marleynotbob_** _)_

**lily evans:** lol i love it

 **lily evans:** ok my turn

 **lily evans:** hiii im lily evans

 **lily evans:** but u can call me lils

 **lily evans:** or whatever really

 **lily evans:** just dont call me garfield the cat.

**rawrdorkyXD:** 😭😭😭

**toohottohandle:** _@lily evans_ dude i love you so much lmfao

**james potter:** 😕😕

**lily evans:** im a law major

 **lily evans:** an aquarius

 **lily evans:** and ive been to a total of 6 taylor swift concerts in my life <3

**toohottohandle:** taylor swift???? 😐😐😐

**sexymoonman:** oh no......

**lily evans:** goT A PROBLEM WITH THAT????

**toohottohandle:** not really its just that her music is kinda lame lol

**lily evans:** HA

 **lily evans:** HAHAHA

 **lily evans:** IM LAUGHING CAUSE I HOPE UR JOKING

 **lily evans:** HAHAHAHAHA

 **lily evans:** HE’S FUNNY GUYS

 **lily evans:** SIRIUS BLACK

 **lily evans:** FUNNY LITTLE MAN

**marleynotbob:** im begging u pls beat the shit out him 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

**lily evans:** _@marleynotbob_ just might

**simmermary69:** lol lils just change ur nickname

_(_ ** _lily evans_ ** _changed their name to_ **_fireballswiftie_** _)_

**buddyvalastro:** fire balls wiftie??

**fireballswiftie:** FIREBALL SWIFTIE

**james potter:** alrightsaving the best for last i see😎

 **james potter:** ok my dudes

 **james potter:** im james fleamont potter

 **james potter:** im majoring in veterinary medicine :)

**marleynotbob:** wait wait

 **marleynotbob:** ur middle name is fleamont????

 **marleynotbob:** why do ur parents hate you

**james potter:** fleamont is my dad’s name................

**marleynotbob:** so your grandparents hate crimed ur dad and then ur parents decided to hate crime you too???

 **marleynotbob:** damn lmao

**sexymoonman:** lol that's rough buddy

**fireballswiftie:** look not trying to defend him

 **fireballswiftie:** _@sexymoonman_ but you’re one to talk remus JOHN lupin

**simmermary69:** omggg 😭😭

**rawrdorkyXD:** LMFAOO

**sexymoonman:** yeah ok i’ll shut up

**james potter:** uhm

 **james potter:** ok i’ll pretend im not offended

 **james potter:** anyway

 **james potter:** im an aries YUP

**toohottohandle:** YUP BAKA YUP

**james potter:** YUPPPP BHAUKA

 **james potter:** OH and the fun fact

 **james potter:** i uhm

 **james potter:** used to write try guys fanfiction when i was 16

**buddyvalastro:** used to?

**james potter:** uhm

 **james potter:** i just read it now..

**simmermary69:** dude THE TRY GUYS???

 **simmermary69:** LIKE THE BUZZFEED TRY GUYS???

**james potter:** look in mY DEFENSE EUGENE WAS MY PANSEXUAL AWAKENING OK

 **james potter:** LEAVE ME ALONE

**marleynotbob:** it just keeps getting better...

_(_ ** _james potter_ ** _changed their name to_ **_himbosupremacy_** _)_

**toohottohandle:** my emotional support mama bear himbo 🥺🤞

**rawrdorkyXD:** 💖💖💖💖

**himbosupremacy:** AWWW

**buddyvalastro:** james im very emotionally distant but i agree with sirius ok

**himbosupremacy:** its alright petey i still love u

**simmermary69:** hate to be annoying but is that all babes??

 **simmermary69:** i gotta go meet a friend

**buddyvalastro:** yeah and i gotta take my croissants out of the oven

**fireballswiftie:** yeah i think its all for now!

**rawrdorkyXD:** WAIT WAIT WAIT

 **rawrdorkyXD:** leave ur instagram @s

 **rawrdorkyXD:** i gotta go follow yalls cute asses

 **rawrdorkyXD:** mine is casmeadowes

**marleynotbob:** hahaha

 **marleynotbob:** marleymckinnon

**himbosupremacy:** jfpotter

**fireballswiftie:** lilyjevans !!

**toohottohandle:** siriusbblack

**simmermary69:** marymacdonald

**buddyvalastro:** peter_pettigrew45

**sexymoonman:** lupinremus

**rawrdorkyXD:** OKKK

 **rawrdorkyXD:** IMMA GO FOLLOW

 **rawrdorkyXD:** BYE DORKY’S DORKSSSS

**fireballswiftie:** hahah byeee

**simmermary69:** bye besties

**himbosupremacy:** BYEEEEE

**sexymoonman:** peace

_[Destiny’s Child]_

_2:09PM_

**barksexybark:** this man

 **barksexybark:** cannot be

 **barksexybark:** real

 **barksexybark:** fucking god

 **barksexybark:** LOOK AT THIS SHIT

**barksexybark:**

****

****

****

****

**bigmac:** DONT SPAM THE CHAT!!!! WTF!!!!!!

**marleyandme:** lmao whore

_[MoonFlower <3]_

_2:13PM_

**therealslimmoony:** bro

 **therealslimmoony:** sirius black

 **therealslimmoony:** started following me on instagram

 **therealslimmoony:** and liked

 **therealslimmoony:** all

 **therealslimmoony:** of my pictures

 **therealslimmoony:** like

 **therealslimmoony:** he did not miss

 **therealslimmoony:** a single one

 **therealslimmoony:** should i be scared


	6. CHAPTER 6: Is This... Heterosexuality?

_[Groupchat #1]_

_4:38PM_

_(_ ** _dorcas_ ** _changed the group’s name from_ **_Groupchat #1_ ** _to_ **_Pea & Bees_** _)_

 _(_ ** _dorcas_ ** _added_ **_lily_ ** _to_ **_Pea & Bees_** _)_

 _(_ ** _dorcas_ ** _added_ **_remus_ ** _to_ **_Pea & Bees_** _)_

**dorcas:** the fact that we didnt have a groupchat felt really homophobic

**lily:** YAYYYY

**remus:** love it

 **remus:** but

 **remus:** wtf is pea and bees supposed to mean

**lily:** yeah i also didnt get it....

**dorcas:** god

 **dorcas:** i keep forgetting im smarter than most ppl

 **dorcas:** P & Bs.....

**lily:**..??

**remus:** peanut butter??..

**dorcas:** bro aren't the two of u bi??

**lily:** yeah

**remus:** yes

**dorcas:** so

 **dorcas:** im pan

 **dorcas:** u two are bi

 **dorcas:** since im only 1

 **dorcas:** its one p

 **dorcas:** and 2 b

 **dorcas:** so i just made a little play of words cause im funny like that

**remus:** wouldn't it be better if it were pee & bees

**dorcas:** dude i will not be referred to as actual piss but thanks for the suggestion

**remus:** LMFAOO

**dorcas:** ok anyways......

 **dorcas:** i uhm

 **dorcas:** i have a question

**lily:** sure

**dorcas:** does this girl look gay to u

**dorcas:**

**remus:** MARLENE??????

 **remus:** LMFAOOKIEWJIFJWODKWD

**lily:** HAHAHHAHHAHAHA

**dorcas:** what

**remus:** can i kinda answer ur question with another question

**dorcas:** sure

**remus:** how good is ur gaydar

**lily:** plssss-

**dorcas:** uhm

 **dorcas:** i cant say its the *best*

 **dorcas:** but like

 **dorcas:** i can tell most ppl

 **dorcas:** like benjy fenwick

 **dorcas:** also lily i knew instantly

 **dorcas:** the clear phone case im not stupid

**lily:** BYEE

**dorcas:** and like sirius

 **dorcas:** but james for example i was rlly fucking shocked

 **dorcas:** who would think a himbo jock is pan

**remus:** so its not good at all is what you mean

**dorcas:**??

**remus:** cause first of all you are here asking us if we think marlene mckinnon looks gay

 **remus:** and you also thought james was straight while that guy SCREAMS everybody talks by neon trees

 **remus:** AND sirius black is not queer

**lily:** HSUXHWDWIJDIWDOWCOE

 **lily:** OMG

 **lily:** KFRKFNJ3NFIJEJENFKEOIVFPFIEJVIE

 **lily:** IDK WHICH ONE OF YOU IS WORSE

 **lily:** HOLY FUCKING SHIT

 **lily:** EKEFJVJEVJENIJVOEEPOE

**dorcas:** lol

**remus:**????

**lily:** DUDE

 **lily:** SIRIUS BLACK IS NOT QUEER???

 **lily:** HE IS THE TEXTBOOK DEFINITION OF QUEER

 **lily:** OH MY GOD REMUS

 **lily:** YOU STUDY ENGLISH LITERATURE UR SUPPOSED TO BE SMART

**remus:** he doesn't look queer to me

**lily:** ok hold on a second

 **lily:** u think THIS

**lily:**

**lily:** mf looks straight?????

**dorcas:** is this.... heterosexuality?? 🥺

**lily:** 🔥🥶💯💪

**dorcas:** DKCJWIJWJDOW

**remus:** i-

 **remus:** yeah ok ur right

**dorcas:** if he didnt look so fruity i probably would've thought marlene and him were dating tbh

**remus:** if MARLENE didnt look so fruity i would've thought sirius and her were dating

**lily:** butalso remus what do you think he meant when he liked all of your instagram pictures last week??

**dorcas:** HE DID???

 **dorcas:** OMGKENDIFJEIIE

 **dorcas:** THATS SO FUNNY LMFAO

**lily:** yeah like homeboy cant even be subtle smh

**remus:** idk

 **remus:** my mum did the same thing when she got instagram

 **remus:** maybe.. idk he just does it too??

**lily:** he didnt like any of my pictures

 **lily:** in fact he only followed me back like last night

**dorcas:** lol

 **dorcas:** yeah none of mine either

**remus:** yeah but its not like he’s interested or anything

 **remus:** i think he was just trying to be friendly

 **remus:** cause the guys added me to a gc

 **remus:** they all have like weird nicknames and stuff

 **remus:** so they added me

**dorcas:** my fucking god dont get me started on their nicknames

 **dorcas:** james explained it to me once

 **dorcas:** if u think the nicknames alone are ridiculous wait until you hear the reason behind them

**remus:** lol

 **remus:** they are

 **remus:** uhm

 **remus:** that gc is quite...something

 **remus:** but they’re funny i’ll give them that

**dorcas:** ok yeah but why are we changing the subject

 **dorcas:** sirius liked all of remus’ pictures

 **dorcas:** thats hilarious

 **dorcas:** he’s so into you LMFAO

**lily:** rt

**remus:** dude he’s not into me???

 **remus:** i dont think we’ve ever talked

 **remus:** like one on one

**lily:** yeah but he clearly has a crush

**dorcas:** yup

**remus:** i dont think so

 **remus:** and even if he does (which is totally hypothetical)

 **remus:** im not interested

 **remus:** at all

**lily:** wHY

 **lily:** he’s so hot

 **lily:** like

 **lily:** insanely

**dorcas:** and he’s really nice too

**remus: *** is he*?? lol he just looks like an arrogant conceited prick

 **remus:** but STILL

 **remus:** i dont want another eyeliner wearer

 **remus:** ring wearer

 **remus:** pierced eared

 **remus:** guy in my life

 **remus:** ive had enough of that

**lily:** remus ffs kingsley was over a YEAR ago

**remus:** and???

 **remus:** let sirius have a crush

 **remus:** im flattered

 **remus:** but its a no

**dorcas:** yeah yeah if you say so

 **dorcas:** but back to me

 **dorcas:** so marlene looks gay???

**remus:** yeah 100%

**lily:** without a doubt

 **lily:** why tho 😏

**dorcas:** lol

 **dorcas:** i think im gonna invite her out for a coffee.......

**lily:** AWWW A DATE

**dorcas:** NOT a date

 **dorcas:** just

 **dorcas:** u know

 **dorcas:** get to know her better..

 **dorcas:** hang out a bit

 **dorcas:** we've been kinda texting this week

 **dorcas:** idk

 **dorcas:** but no not a date

**remus:** yeah yeah if you say so

**dorcas:** lol fuck u

_[Marlene McKinnon & Dorcas Meadowes]_

_5:02PM_

**dorcas:** hi marley!!

 **dorcas:** are you doing anything today??

 **dorcas:** or actually like

 **dorcas:** rn lol

_[Destiny’s Child]_

_5:02PM_

**marleyandme:** look i dont wanna assume anything

 **marleyandme:** but you might have to hold on to ur seats, children

**barksexybark:** why do i just know its something to do with dorcas

**marleyandme:** DMCOWKOCWCKMIW

**bigmac:** andhere we go

_[Marlene McKinnon & Dorcas Meadowes]_

_5:02PM_

**marlene:** hi!!

 **marlene:** no not doing anything

**dorcas:** oh great!! :)

 **dorcas:** i was wondering if u’d like to go grab a coffee?

 **dorcas:** with me??

_[Destiny’s Child]_

_5:03PM_

**marleyandme:** YOOOO

 **marleyandme:** IJWIEFJWEDFIWKCIWKD

 **marleyandme:** SHE JUST ASKED ME OUT

**bigmac:** ARE YOU KIDDING ME???

 **bigmac:** OMGGGG

 **bigmac:** MARLS!!!!!!!!

**barksexybark:** omg i wonder if shes ok.. 😕

**marleyandme:** you fucking bitch

_[Marlene McKinnon & Dorcas Meadowes]_

_5:04PM_

**marlene:** oh

 **marlene:** omgg yeah sure!!

 **marlene:** id love that!!!!!

 **marlene:** is anyone else joining??

**dorcas:** uhm no actually

 **dorcas:** just the two of us

 **dorcas:** if thats ok with you???

_[Destiny’s Child]_

_5:06PM_

**marleyandme:** dude shes so in love with me

**barksexybark:** should i contact the psych ward???

_[Marlene McKinnon & Dorcas Meadowes]_

_5:04PM_

**marlene:** no no thats totally fine!!

 **marlene:** more than fine actually!!

**dorcas:** oh

 **dorcas:** great!!! :)

 **dorcas:** so meet ya at puddifoot’s??

 **dorcas:** or would u like me to pick u up?

**marlene:** i’ll meet u there dw abt it!!!

**dorcas:** perf!

 **dorcas:** see u in 15 ;))

**marlene:** :)))))

_[Pea & Bees]_

_5:06PM_

**dorcas:** aaand its a date 😎😎

 **dorcas:** wait no

 **dorcas:** not a *date*

**lily:** oop

**remus:** 🤔🤔🤔🤔

**dorcas:** i didnt mean a DATE date

 **dorcas:** i meant that we are going

 **dorcas:** u guys know that

**remus:** sure, cassie. of course we know

**dorcas:** FUCK YOU REMUS LUPIN

**remus:** ♥️

_[MoonFlower <3]_

_5:09PM_

**therealslimmoony:** ok now im bored :///

 **therealslimmoony:** wanna watch some drag race???

 **therealslimmoony:** we can watch all stars 2???

 **therealslimmoony:** i know its ur favorite season

**gingertaylorswift:** uuuughhh thats very tempting

 **gingertaylorswift:** but i cant :(((

 **gingertaylorswift:** i have this huuge assignment for tomorrow and i haven't even started it yet

 **gingertaylorswift:** sorry moony

**therealslimmoony:** ugh fine

 **therealslimmoony:** but u owe me

**gingertaylorswift:** sure babes

_[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]_

_5:49PM_

**toohottohandle:** hello children

 **toohottohandle:** ollivanders is having a record sale

 **toohottohandle:** 50% off in all the 70s shit

 **toohottohandle:** does anyone want to join me on my hunt for hunky dory????

**buddyvalastro:** i cant pads im sorry

 **buddyvalastro:** i have a lecture in like an hour

**toohottohandle:** :((

**simmermary69:** im meeting emmeline in 30 min

**toohottohandle:** ok im gonna let that pass cause ur gonna have to tell me everything once ur back 😉😉

**simmermary69:** lol

**himbosupremacy:** im omw to zumba class :((((((

_[MoonFlower <3]_

_5:54PM_

**gingertaylorswift:** go with him

**therealslimmoony:** uhm..no?

**gingertaylorswift:** dude

 **gingertaylorswift:** go with him

 **gingertaylorswift:** u have nothing better to do

 **gingertaylorswift:** u collect records too

 **gingertaylorswift:** maybe u’ll find something u like

 **gingertaylorswift:** just go

 **gingertaylorswift:** have fun

**therealslimmoony:** its gonna look like a date

**gingertaylorswift:** bitchhe sent it in the gc

 **gingertaylorswift:** it would be a date if he private messaged u asking u out

 **gingertaylorswift:** ORRR if u were interested............

**therealslimmoony:** yeah idk

 **therealslimmoony:** kinda lazy to move actually

**gingertaylorswift:** ur making a big deal out of this

 **gingertaylorswift:** he just wants company

 **gingertaylorswift:** just go wtf

**therealslimmoony:** ugh

 **therealslimmoony:** ok fine

_[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]_

_5:57PM_

**toohottohandle:** k im going alone

 **toohottohandle:** thanks fuckers

 **toohottohandle:** 💔💔💔

**sexymoonman:** uhm

 **sexymoonman:** i’ll go with you

**toohottohandle:** oh

_[Destiny’s Child]_

_5:58PM_

**barksexybark:** lol

**bigmac:** simp

_[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]_

_5:58PM_

**toohottohandle:** ok

 **toohottohandle:** i’ll pick u up in 10 :)

**sexymoonman:** cool

_[MoonFlower <3]_

_7:49PM_

**gingertaylorswift:**

**gingertaylorswift:** cute ;)

**therealslimmoony:** shut up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the credits to the sirius fancast 100% goes to em (@someforeign band on tiktok and also here on ao3)!! simply brilliant. it changed my life.  
> and go check out their works cause its AMAZING.


	7. CHAPTER 7: Gigi Goode & Crystal Methyd

_[Marlene Is Mean]_

_9:21AM_

**hotandsexy:** so

 **hotandsexy:** how did it go with emmie yesterday

**idetectlies:** homeboy aren't u in class

**hotandsexy:** yes?

 **hotandsexy:** i dont see how this has anything to do with my question

**idetectlies:** lol

 **idetectlies:** it was great

 **idetectlies:** she’s great

 **idetectlies:** we just hung out really

**hotandsexy:** but you like her

**idetectlies:** i dont

**hotandsexy:** mary

 **hotandsexy:** cmon

**idetectlies:** ugh idk

 **idetectlies:** she’s amazing rlly

 **idetectlies:** but i dont think shes interested in THAT way yk

 **idetectlies:** not saying that *i* am

**hotandsexy:** except that u are

**idetectlies:** lol

 **idetectlies:** we’ll see

 **idetectlies:** but anyway

 **idetectlies:** how did ur “hunky dory hunting” with mr english literature go

**hotandsexy:** good

**idetectlies:** wow

 **idetectlies:** just “good”?

 **idetectlies:** i was expecting u to be saying ur gonna get married or sumn

**hotandsexy:** lol

 **hotandsexy:** idk

 **hotandsexy:** he’s nice

 **hotandsexy:** like

 **hotandsexy:** really nice

 **hotandsexy:** kinda closed off tho??

 **hotandsexy:** like u know how i am

 **hotandsexy:** i never shut up

**idetectlies:** true

**hotandsexy:** and at first i was like

 **hotandsexy:** yup this is gonna be so awkward

 **hotandsexy:** cause i would talk and he would just answer with like short answers

 **hotandsexy:** or not even say anything at all

 **hotandsexy:** but then he started loosening up a bit

 **hotandsexy:** that mf is so funny

 **hotandsexy:** like put that man behind bars

 **hotandsexy:** who allowed him to be that hilarious

 **hotandsexy:** and he doesn't even TRY

 **hotandsexy:** i dont think he even knows he's funny

 **hotandsexy:** we got along well

 **hotandsexy:** but he’s def not interested

**idetectlies:** why do u say that

**hotandsexy:** when ppl are interested in me most of the time they are not subtle at all

 **hotandsexy:** so he’s either not interested or he’s the king of subtleness

 **hotandsexy:** and judging by that real slim shady performance we got

 **hotandsexy:** i think the first option is much more likely

 **hotandsexy:** but its fine

 **hotandsexy:** it wouldn't be if we hadn't gone out

 **hotandsexy:** and i hadn't seen that that bitch is such a fun time like holy shit

 **hotandsexy:** so we can be friends its fine

**idetectlies:** hmmmmm

 **idetectlies:** is it fine??

**hotandsexy:** yeah

 **hotandsexy:** ig

 **hotandsexy:** look i’ve known the guy for what 10 days?? less??

 **hotandsexy:** im not gonna be heartbroken that he doesn't want anything to do with me lol

 **hotandsexy:** do i want to get inside his pants???

 **hotandsexy:** yes dont ask me twice

 **hotandsexy:** but its fine

 **hotandsexy:** i’ll survive

**idetectlies:** very mature of you, mr black

 **idetectlies:** im impressed

**hotandsexy:** im a new man

**idetectlies:** lol

 **idetectlies:** ok u dont wanna pay attention to class but i do

 **idetectlies:** wanna come over later and binge parks and rec??

**hotandsexy:** yesyesyes

 **hotandsexy:** i’ll bring the snacks

**idetectlies:** lol ok

 **idetectlies:** bye love u

**hotandsexy:** luv ya

_[Sirius Black & Remus Lupin]_

_9:45AM_

**sirius:** dont wanna say anything

 **sirius:** but ur insta feed has never looked better

**remus:** lmao prick

 **remus:** i will be deleting it so enjoy it while u can

**sirius:** oh i will

 **sirius:** i’ll take a screenshot and frame it

 **sirius:** put it up on my wall

 **sirius:** will u sign it for me???? 🥺🥺🥺🥺

**remus:** perhaps

 **remus:** if you ask nicely

**sirius:** best day of my life

_[Destiny’s Child]_

_10:03AM_

**marleyandme:** does any of u have plans in like

 **marleyandme:** 6 weeks from now??

**barksexybark:** i dont think so

**bigmac:** yeah me neither

 **bigmac:** why

**marleyandme:** date of my wedding

**barksexybark:** LMFAOO

 **barksexybark:** WHY ARE YOU SUCH A LESBIAN

**marleyandme:** DUDE SHE’S THE BEST

 **marleyandme:** LIKE THE ACTUAL BEST HUMAN BEING I’VE EVER MET

 **marleyandme:** SHE’S SO FUNNY

 **marleyandme:** AND NICE

 **marleyandme:** AND SWEET

 **marleyandme:** AND SMELLS SO GOOD

 **marleyandme:** AND LOVES ICED COFFEE

 **marleyandme:** AND HAS FUCKING THREE DOGS BACK HOME

 **marleyandme:** CALLED LUKE LEIA AND HAN

 **marleyandme:** AND LOVES BROCKHAMPTON AND PARAMORE

 **marleyandme:** but yeah it went alright

**bigmac:** LMFAOOOO

 **bigmac:** ur so whipped

**marleyandme:** bro i am

 **marleyandme:** but hopefully she didnt notice

 **marleyandme:** that would scare her off

**barksexybark:** hopefully she didnt notice u were drooling the whole time

**marleyandme:** shES JUST SO NICE TO LOOK AT

_[Chaotic Gay + Mean Lesbian = Ellen DeGeneres]_

_10:17AM_

**jojosiwa:** i saw remus’ post

 **jojosiwa:** how did it go

 **jojosiwa:** how u feelin

**frankiegrande:** im fucked

**jojosiwa:** i imagined

_[Effie’s Boyz ASF]_

_11:39AM_

**prongs:** tell rebecca black i have arrived

 **prongs:** CAUSE ITS FRIDAAAAYYYY

**padfoot:** JSUWHWJAJXIAJ

 **padfoot:** FUCK YEAHHH

 **padfoot:** plans????

**prongs:** hmm idkkk

 **prongs:** any ideas???

**padfoot:** not really

 **padfoot:** im hanging out with mary this afternoon

 **padfoot:** but thats all i have

 **padfoot:** and i just know abt gid and fab’s bday tomorrow

 **padfoot:** nothing for tonight :((

**prongs:** yeah same

 **prongs:** if we’re partying tomorrow i dont think we should go anywhere today tho ://

**padfoot:** yeah lowkey

 **padfoot:** but i still wanna do something

 **padfoot:** i think i’ll drown in my tears if i stay inside my dorm on a friday night

**prongs:** lol yeah

 **prongs:** ooOOH I KNOW WHAT WE COULD DO

 **prongs:** HAVENT WE BEEN WANTING TO START SEASON 5 OF DRAG RACE ALL STARS???

 **prongs:** WE CAN DO A LIL GET TOGETHER

 **prongs:** INVITE SOME PPL OVER TO MY PLACE

 **prongs:** AND WATCH IT

**padfoot:** dude.........

 **padfoot:** YES

 **padfoot:** LIKE 100% YES

**prongs:** YAYYYYYYY

 **prongs:** I’LL CREATE THE GC

 **prongs:** I KNOW SOME PPL WHO WATCH DRAG RACE

**padfoot:** yes period

 **padfoot:** yo when does ur lecture end

 **padfoot:** wanna go grab lunch??

**prongs:** yes yes yes

 **prongs:** ends in 15

 **prongs:** i’ll meet u at three broomsticks

**padfoot:** k

_[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]_

_2:48PM_

**himbosupremacy:** important question

 **himbosupremacy:** who here watches drag race???

**fireballswiftie:** “watches” drag race

 **fireballswiftie:** i breathe that shit

 **fireballswiftie:** eat it up like four course meal

**sexymoonman:** lol i do

**rawrdorkyXD:** i do!!!!

**marleynotbob:** i do too!!!!

**toohottohandle:** _@marleynotbob_ do u?? 🤔🤔

**marleynotbob:** yeah

 **marleynotbob:** dont u remember lol

 **marleynotbob:** im like the biggest drag race fan

 **marleynotbob:** love drag race

**toohottohandle:** lmfao............

**simmermary69:** i dont :((

**buddyvalastro:** i do

**himbosupremacy:** YES ok

 **himbosupremacy:** tonight

 **himbosupremacy:** my place

 **himbosupremacy:** we’re gonna watch all stars 5

 **himbosupremacy:** everyone in???

**toohottohandle:** YUPPP

**rawrdorkyXD:** YEEESSSS

**buddyvalastro:** fuck i cant

 **buddyvalastro:** i have homework

 **buddyvalastro:** that is NOT BAKING DUDE

 **buddyvalastro:** im starting to regret my life choices

 **buddyvalastro:** but have fun without me :/

**simmermary69:** yeah im out

 **simmermary69:** i wont understand shit

 **simmermary69:** i’ll join y’all once i’ve watched everything

 **simmermary69:** but tonight i’ll have to pass

**sexymoonman:** lily and i are in

**himbosupremacy:** YAYYYY

 **himbosupremacy:** I’LL CREATE THE GC

_[Chaotic Gay + Mean Lesbian = Ellen DeGeneres]_

_2:52AM_

**jojosiwa:** idk anything abt drag race

 **jojosiwa:** u _’_ re gonna have to help me

**frankiegrande:** i figured

_[MoonFlower <3]_

_2:56PM_

**gingertaylorswift:** you shouldn't have said i was in like that

**therealslimmoony:** tf???

 **therealslimmoony:** dont u wanna go???

**gingertaylorswift:** no wtf of course i do its fucking all stars 5 bitch

 **gingertaylorswift:** jujubee and shea coulee are you kidding

 **gingertaylorswift:** but idk

 **gingertaylorswift:** james might think im like interested if im not idk reluctant

 **gingertaylorswift:** he's been stalking me

**therealslimmoony:** lily he hasn't been stalking u

**gingertaylorswift:** yeah ok he hasn't

 **gingertaylorswift:** that was unfair

 **gingertaylorswift:** wow that was rlly unfair i shouldn't have said that

 **gingertaylorswift:** but idk

 **gingertaylorswift:** im just worried that i’ll give him the wrong message

 **gingertaylorswift:** dont wanna upset him or anything

**therealslimmoony:** lily its fine

 **therealslimmoony:** dw abt it

_[Effie’s Boyz ASF]_

_2:56AM_

**prongs:** SHES COMING!!!!

 **prongs:** LILYYY IS COMINGGGG

 **prongs:** I BETTER FIX MY HAIR

**padfoot:** good luck with that

_[Groupchat #1]_

_3:15PM_

_(_ ** _james potter_ ** _changed the group’s name from_ **_Groupchat #1_ ** _to_ **_HALLELOO_** _)_

 _(_ ** _james potter_ ** _added_ **_sirius black_ ** _to_ **_HALLELOO_** _)_

 _(_ ** _james potter_ ** _added_ **_dorcas meadowes_ ** _to_ **_HALLELOO_** _)_

 _(_ ** _james potter_ ** _added_ **_marlene mckinnon_ ** _to_ **_HALLELOO_** _)_

 _(_ ** _james potter_ ** _added_ **_remus lupin_ ** _to_ **_HALLELOO_** _)_

 _(_ ** _james potter_ ** _added_ **_lily evans_ ** _to_ **_HALLELOO_** _)_

 _(_ ** _james potter_ ** _added_ **_caradoc dearborn_ ** _to_ **_HALLELOO_** _)_

 _(_ ** _james potter_ ** _added_ **_benjy fenwick_ ** _to_ **_HALLELOO_** _)_

 _(_ ** _james potter_ ** _added_ **_amelia bones_ ** _to_ **_HALLELOO_** _)_

**james potter:** HI GUYS

 **james potter:** WE’RE HAVING AN ALL STARS 5 WATCH PARTY AT MY PLACE TONIGHT AT 9

 **james potter:** WHO’S COMING????

**benjy fenwick:** FUCK YEAH MAN

 **benjy fenwick:** IM ALREADY THERE

**caradoc dearborn:** im in!!!

**sirius black:** YESYESYES

**amelia bones:** hahaha im coming

 **amelia bones:** i might arrive a lil late tho :// if thats ok

**james potter:** no prob ames!!

**dorcas meadowes:** yayyyyyyy

 **dorcas meadowes:** so excited!!!!!!!!!!!

**james potter:** YYYYEEEEESSSSSS

_(_ ** _james potter_ ** _changed their name to_ **_bobthedragqueen_** _)_

**bobthedragqueen:** LETS GET THIS SHIT STARTEEEED

**benjy fenwick:** HAHAHAHAHAAH

_(_ ** _benjy fenwick_ ** _changed their name to_ **_alaska_** _)_

**amelia bones:** LOOOOVEEE

_(_ ** _amelia bones_ ** _changed their name to_ **_roxxxyandrews_** _)_

**alaska:** YES YES YES

_(_ ** _caradoc dearborn_ ** _changed their name to_ **_detox_** _)_

**detox:** ROLASKATOX

**roxxxyandrews:** 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

_(_ ** _dorcas meadowes_ ** _changed their name to_ **_trixiemattel_** _)_

_[Chaotic Gay + Mean Lesbian = Ellen DeGeneres]_

_3:24PM_

**jojosiwa:** HELP HELP HELP

**frankiegrande:** KATYA

 **frankiegrande:** CHANGE IT TO KATYA

**jojosiwa:** OK

_[HALLELOO]_

_3:25PM_

_(_ ** _marlene mckinnon_ ** _changed their name to_ **_katya_** _)_

**trixiemattel:** OMG YES!!!!!!!!!!

**katya:** hahahahaha :D

_(_ ** _lily evans_ ** _changed their name to_ **_biancadelrio_** _)_

**detox:** YES BIANCA

**bobthedragqueen:** BIANCA!!!!!!!

**biancadelrio:** HAHAHAHAHAHA

_(_ ** _remus lupin_ ** _changed their name to_ **_crystalmethyd_** _)_

 _(_ ** _sirius black_ ** _changed their name to_ **_gigigoode_** _)_

**gigigoode:** oh

**detox:** gigi and crystal!!!! awww

**bobthedragqueen:** romatic

**biancadelrio:** cute ;)

_[Sirius Black & Remus Lupin]_

_3:31PM_

**remus:** well hello, miss goode

 **remus:** fancy seeing you here

**sirius:** i could say the same to you, miss methyd

**remus:** lol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok idk if many ppl will get the reference with gigi goode and crystal methyd so i'll explain:  
> they are both queens from season 12 of rupauls drag race, and there were rumors that they were dating and they just started going with it lol they are best friends but it was really funny and cute and ugh i just love the both of them sm  
> buuuttttttt the *actual* reason why i made this reference was because im very gay and a girl once said im the crystal to her gigi. she still calls me crystal. and yes im still in love with her.


	8. CHAPTER 8: She's So Crazy I Love Her

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiiiiiii guys!!!!! this just hit 2k hits and uhm.... tysm this is insane. i started this fic like saturday or friday i think and its TUESDAY lmfao... i cant thank you enough for all the love and support!!!!! it means so so so much to me, u have no idea. i love yalls cute asses so much and cant even thank u enough!!!! <33 mwahhh, tina xx

_[Marauderzzz]_

_2:58AM_

**bakamoonyasf:** mariah should’ve stayed.

**padsies:** it was her time to go

**bakamoonyasf:** dude

 **bakamoonyasf:** no????

 **bakamoonyasf:** she still had so much more to prove

 **bakamoonyasf:** she was on season 2 bruh

 **bakamoonyasf:** she still had so much potential

**padsies:** she was clearly not up for the intensity of the competition anymore???

 **padsies:** it was very clear

 **padsies:** same thing with ongina

**bakamoonyasf:** you’re being stupid

 **bakamoonyasf:** you only appreciate the new girls

 **bakamoonyasf:** but the old schools is where its at

**padsies:** dude of course not

**bakamoonyasf:** yes

**pwonggy:** hey babes xx

 **pwonggy:** can you two

 **pwonggy:** shut the fuck up

 **pwonggy:** im trying to watch asmr

 **pwonggy:** and my phone won't stop buzzing

 **pwonggy:** so

 **pwonggy:** shut up

 **pwonggy:** it already took you long enough to leAVE MY FLAT

 **pwonggy:** good night luv ya xxxxxxx

_[Sirius Black & Remus Lupin]_

_3:07AM_

**remus:** JUSTICE FOR MARIAH PARIS BALENCIAGA

 **remus:** IM WITH YOU BABES

 **remus:** I WONT REST UNTIL YOU’VE HAD YOUR JUSTICE

**sirius:** bro LMFAOOOO

 **sirius:** you are so stupid

**remus:** HUH?????

 **remus:** ME????

 **remus:** yeah right

 **remus:** im the one saying it was mariah’s time to LEAVE

 **remus:** she could’ve easily made it to the top 3

**sirius:** really???

 **sirius:** with shea coulee in the competition????? jujubee???? alexis mateo???? miz cracker??????

 **sirius:** come on moony boy

 **sirius:** ur supposed to be the smart one

_(_ ** _remus_ ** _changed_ **_sirius_** _’s name to_ **_siriusisdumb_** _)_

**siriusisdumb:** ha

_(_ ** _siriusisdumb_ ** _changed_ **_remus_** _’s name to_ **_remusisdelusional_** _)_

**remusisdelusional:** have you ever considered a career in comedy?? 😍😍😍

**siriusisdumb:** i gotta leave that for you

 **siriusisdumb:** i would be too successful

 **siriusisdumb:** and i know its your dream

**remusisdelusional:** aww he’s so generous

**siriusisdumb:** always ♥️

_(_ ** _siriusisdumb_ ** _changed the group’s name from_ **_Sirius Black & Remus Lupin_ ** _to_ **_Charity Work_** _)_

**remusisdelusional:** HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

 **remusisdelusional:** oh my GOD

**siriusisdumb:** how do u think i got my scholarship???? 🥺🥺🥺🥺

**remusisdelusional:** please LMFAO

 **remusisdelusional:** you are

 **remusisdelusional:** the actual

 **remusisdelusional:** most annoying person

 **remusisdelusional:** i have ever met in my life

 **remusisdelusional:** wondering what i could do to go back to a week ago and never have gone to brunch

**siriusisdumb:** wondering what i could do to go back to a week + a day ago and never have seen a certain real slim shady performance 🤤🤤🤤

**remusisdelusional:** WHY DID YOU HAVE TO BRING IT UP

**siriusisdumb:** cause it was funny???

 **siriusisdumb:** and like

 **siriusisdumb:** probably the best thing i have ever seen in my life?????

**remusisdelusional:** haha

 **remusisdelusional:** yeah

 **remusisdelusional:** sure

 **remusisdelusional:** tell that to lily and she will find a way to prove you wrong

**siriusisdumb:** why lol

**remusisdelusional:** she has some..... very interesting....... videos from when we were 13

 **remusisdelusional:** she had just downloaded videostar and i was a mcr fan....... so

**siriusisdumb:** NO WAY

 **siriusisdumb:** MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE

 **siriusisdumb:** LMFAOOOCIJWIJDISCS

 **siriusisdumb:** I NEED THOSE VIDEOS.

 **siriusisdumb:** YOU DONT UNDERSTAND.

**remusisdelusional:** you will never

 **remusisdelusional:** ever

 **remusisdelusional:** see those videos

**siriusisdumb:** why???

 **siriusisdumb:** is there a problem with *me* seeing those videos?????

 **siriusisdumb:** 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

**remusisdelusional:** my god

 **remusisdelusional:** no

 **remusisdelusional:** there's a problem with *anyone* seeing them

 **remusisdelusional:** dont flatter yourself

**siriusisdumb:** whatever you say moonbeam

 **siriusisdumb:** mooncakes

 **siriusisdumb:** moonymoons

 **siriusisdumb:** moonshine

**remusisdelusional:** u done??

**siriusisdumb:** hmmmm

 **siriusisdumb:** moonage daydream

 **siriusisdumb:** ok im done

 **siriusisdumb:** why moony????

**remusisdelusional:** why the nickname??

**siriusisdumb:** yeah

**remusisdelusional:** why padfoot??

**siriusisdumb:** asked you first

**remusisdelusional:** lol

 **remusisdelusional:** fine

 **remusisdelusional:** lily could definitely tell this story better

 **remusisdelusional:** she’s very good with the dramatics

 **remusisdelusional:** but

 **remusisdelusional:** when we were 13 one night the evans went to have dinner at our house

 **remusisdelusional:** and my mum hadnt told me

 **remusisdelusional:** and i had just come out of the shower

 **remusisdelusional:** and was in my room

 **remusisdelusional:** with like......only a towel keeping me decent

 **remusisdelusional:** and blasting

 **remusisdelusional:** and when i say blasting i mean

 **remusisdelusional:** BLASTING

 **remusisdelusional:** mcr

 **remusisdelusional:** and so i didnt hear the door open

 **remusisdelusional:** and she walked in

 **remusisdelusional:** and it took me.....what it would be too long to see her

 **remusisdelusional:** and then when i did see her

 **remusisdelusional:** i got so scared that i dropped my towel

 **remusisdelusional:** yeah so basically i mooned her

**siriusisdumb:** oH MY GODHENFEFJE

 **siriusisdumb:** FJEFJIEJFJENUJVIWNKWOE

 **siriusisdumb:** OMG??????

**remusisdelusional:** yeah funny wow

 **remusisdelusional:** also then when i was 15 a dog bit my ankle and the scar kinda looks like a moon

 **remusisdelusional:** lily thinks its the best thing ever

 **remusisdelusional:** i could see the TWINKLE in her eyes in the er as i got my stitches

 **remusisdelusional:** so yeah i cant escape

 **remusisdelusional:** i’ll be moony forever

**siriusisdumb:** lmfao

**remusisdelusional:** ok

 **remusisdelusional:** now why padfoot??

**siriusisdumb:** oh its nothing much really

 **siriusisdumb:** when we were kids

 **siriusisdumb:** during the summer before i would go to james’ house

 **siriusisdumb:** i would steal all my cousin’s pads

 **siriusisdumb:** like for no reason at all

 **siriusisdumb:** i would just throw them away

 **siriusisdumb:** but i just always hated her

 **siriusisdumb:** so my joy would come from her screams whenever she would get her period and there were no pads lmfao

 **siriusisdumb:** and when they would buy her more i would steal them too

 **siriusisdumb:** but then one summer i went to spend a few weeks with james

 **siriusisdumb:** i think we were 15???

 **siriusisdumb:** and we wanted to go steal some of his dad’s alcohol lol

 **siriusisdumb:** and for SOME REASON

 **siriusisdumb:** i decided to stick those pads on my feet

 **siriusisdumb:** so they wouldnt hear me

 **siriusisdumb:** the floors there are really creaky

**remusisdelusional:** have you ever heard of socks???

**siriusisdumb:** what's that???

**remusisdelusional:** lol

**siriusisdumb:** but yeah this is why im padfoot

 **siriusisdumb:** its very stupid, im aware

 **siriusisdumb:** but like

 **siriusisdumb:** peter is wormtail solely because he used to be obsessed with ratatouille when we were kids

 **siriusisdumb:** so im not the worst

**remusisdelusional:** but HOW DID IT GO FROM RATATOUILLE TO WORMTAIL??

**siriusisdumb:** oh there were so many different nicknames

 **siriusisdumb:** rat boy, rat lover, squeaky man, lil rodent, mickey mouse

 **siriusisdumb:** and then eventually we got to wormtail

 **siriusisdumb:** and it just stuck the longest

**remusisdelusional:** my god

 **remusisdelusional:** there's always a way to get worse

 **remusisdelusional:** and prongs???

**siriusisdumb:** put a flashlight on his face and you’ll see.

**remusisdelusional:** oh my god LMFAO

 **remusisdelusional:** really????

**siriusisdumb:** yeah LMAO

 **siriusisdumb:** its so funny

 **siriusisdumb:** oh and also his hair is always messy

 **siriusisdumb:** and his mum used to say it looked like antlers

 **siriusisdumb:** so

 **siriusisdumb:** yeah

**remusisdelusional:** but at least you guys have like

 **remusisdelusional:** relatively normal names under the nicknames

 **remusisdelusional:** MOONY is better than remus lupin

 **remusisdelusional:** u dont even wanna know what it means

**siriusisdumb:** remus is from the roman mythology abt romulus and remus right

 **siriusisdumb:** and lupin is like.... basically wolf in latin

**remusisdelusional:** uhm

 **remusisdelusional:** yeah

**siriusisdumb:** see

 **siriusisdumb:** im not dumb

 **siriusisdumb:** mr. wolf mcwolf

**remusisdelusional:** LMFAO GOODBYE

**siriusisdumb:** lol

 **siriusisdumb:** and no i dont have a relatively normal name

 **siriusisdumb:** james and peter might but i dont

 **siriusisdumb:** im named after a fucking STAR

 **siriusisdumb:** my parents were kinky like that

**remusisdelusional:** IDECECIECIOKSOWK

 **remusisdelusional:** yeah its true

 **remusisdelusional:** i hadnt even noticed

 **remusisdelusional:** the dog star right

**siriusisdumb:** yup

 **siriusisdumb:** canis major and all that

 **siriusisdumb:** fucking hippies

**remusisdelusional:** HAHAHAHAHAHAH

**siriusisdumb:** wow

 **siriusisdumb:** u know

 **siriusisdumb:** moon

 **siriusisdumb:** stars

 **siriusisdumb:** the moon & the stars

**remusisdelusional:** nice

**siriusisdumb:** yeah

 **siriusisdumb:** lol

 **siriusisdumb:** nice

**remusisdelusional:** uhm

 **remusisdelusional:** its 4:37am

 **remusisdelusional:** i really have to sleep lol

 **remusisdelusional:** im pretty tired

**siriusisdumb:** oh

 **siriusisdumb:** yeah same

 **siriusisdumb:** night

**remusisdelusional:** :)

_[MoonFlower <3]_

_8:48AM_

**gingertaylorswift:** morning moonyyyyy

 **gingertaylorswift:** im omw to puddifoots

 **gingertaylorswift:** meet u in 10???

_[MoonFlower <3]_

_9:04AM_

**gingertaylorswift:** im here already

 **gingertaylorswift:** u coming???

_[MoonFlower <3]_

_9:13AM_

**gingertaylorswift:** mf where are you

 **gingertaylorswift:** u had like 2 beers last night u cant possibly be hangover

 **gingertaylorswift:** im gonna order my coffee ok??

_[MoonFlower <3]_

_9:26AM_

**gingertaylorswift:** i just ran into sirius

 **gingertaylorswift:** i gave him the link to my taylor playlist

 **gingertaylorswift:** i’ll convert him soon enough you’ll see

_[MoonFlower <3]_

_9:38AM_

**gingertaylorswift:** k im leaving

 **gingertaylorswift:** dhmu 💔💔

_[MoonFlower <3]_

_11:51AM_

**therealslimmoony:** OH MY GOD

 **therealslimmoony:** LILY IM SO SORRY

 **therealslimmoony:** I OVERSLEPT

 **therealslimmoony:** IM SO SORRY WTF

 **therealslimmoony:** IM SORRY

**gingertaylorswift:** save your excuses 🤨☝️

**therealslimmoony:** LILY IM SO SORRY REALLY

 **therealslimmoony:** PLEASE DONT BE MAD

**gingertaylorswift:** lmao its fine

 **gingertaylorswift:** im not mad bestie relax

 **gingertaylorswift:** but why didnt u go

 **gingertaylorswift:** didnt u set an alarm or sumn

**therealslimmoony:** i did but i didnt even hear it

 **therealslimmoony:** i think i only fell asleep at like 6am

**gingertaylorswift:** wtf 6AM???????

 **gingertaylorswift:** homeboy what kept u up until 6am????

**therealslimmoony:** uhm

 **therealslimmoony:** i was just talking to sirius

**gingertaylorswift:** until *6am*????

**therealslimmoony:** yeah

 **therealslimmoony:** yeah until 6am

**gingertaylorswift:** wow

 **gingertaylorswift:** lol

 **gingertaylorswift:** ok then........

 **gingertaylorswift:** oh if you talk to him again like one on one tell me if he says anything abt taylor

 **gingertaylorswift:** i dont think he'd say anything to me

 **gingertaylorswift:** he wont want to give in

 **gingertaylorswift:** so tell me!!!!!!

**therealslimmoony:** lol ok

_[Effie’s Boyz ASF]_

_1:37PM_

**prongs:** did u tell moony the reason why im prongs?????????

**padfoot:** lol why do u ask

**prongs:** cause i was leaving the dance studio after my zumba class and he was coming in for yoga and then u know he said hi and all

 **prongs:** like normal

 **prongs:** but then he just went HEY PRONGS WAIT

 **prongs:** and when i turned around he put HIS PHONES FLASH ON MY FACE

 **prongs:** HOW DID HE KNOW

**padfoot:** ok i told him lmao

**prongs:** ASSHOLE

_[Destiny’s Child]_

_2:45PM_

**barksexybark:** lip ring or nose ring??

**bigmac:** nose ring

**marleyandme:** why

**barksexybark:** just answer the question

**marleyandme:** idk i like both

 **marleyandme:** why

**barksexybark:** im omw to get a new piercing yup!! ☝️☝️

**marleyandme:** BRO WHY DIDNT YOU CALL ME

 **marleyandme:** YOU KNOW IVE BEEN WANTING TO GET MY SEPTUM PIERCED FOR AGES

**barksexybark:** then come with me

 **barksexybark:** i haven't left yet

 **barksexybark:** im leaving in 5 i can pick you up

**marleyandme:** ok but can we take an uber i dont wanna ride on that greasy ass motorcycle of urs

**barksexybark:** lmfao ok fine

 **barksexybark:** i dont rlly feel like driving anyway

 **barksexybark:** ok so which one?????

**marleyandme:** fuck it get both

**barksexybark:** 🤔🤔🤔🤔

 **barksexybark:** k im getting both

**bigmac:** dude we have gid and fab’s bday tonight

**barksexybark:** and?

**bigmac:** dont you think getting 2 piercings before a party is a bit

 **bigmac:** how do you call it

 **bigmac:** UNSAFE

**barksexybark:** i like living on the edge 😎😎

**marleyandme:** shes so crazy i love heeerrrrr 😂🤪 cant take her anywhereeeee

**barksexybark:** ur paying for the uber now

**bigmac:** ugh

 **bigmac:** ok then

 **bigmac:** hope u get an infection

 **bigmac:** OMG NO IM KIDDING

 **bigmac:** IM KIDDING OK I RLLY HOPE YOU DONT

 **bigmac:** STAY SAFE PLS I JUST GET WORRIED

**barksexybark:** lol <3

 **barksexybark:** _@marleyandme_ ready hoe??

**marleyandme:** yup

 **marleyandme:** ready

**barksexybark:** k bitch lets hit the road

 **barksexybark:** WHOS READY TO ROCK AND ROLL?? 🤟

**marleyandme:** please shut up

 **marleyandme:** bye mary love u

**barksexybark:** love u marilyn

**bigmac:** bye ily2 pls stay safe and pay attention to the care tips!!!!!

_[Chaotic Gay + Mean Lesbian = Ellen DeGeneres]_

_3:37PM_

**jojosiwa:** did it hurt?????

**frankiegrande:** you know im right here dont u

 **frankiegrande:** u can just like....talk

**jojosiwa:** i dont want the piercer to think im a little pussy

 **jojosiwa:** cmon did it hurt

**frankiegrande:** the nose no the lip a lil bit

 **frankiegrande:** but nothing unbearable

 **frankiegrande:** relax lesbo ive heard septum piercings dont hurt at all

**jojosiwa:** ok ok ok

_[Destiny’s Child]_

_4:02PM_

**marleyandme:** LOOK!!!!!!!!!!

**marleyandme:**

**bigmac:** AWW IT LOOKS SO CUTE MARLS 💕💕

 **bigmac:** _@barksexybark_ let me see urs!!!!!!

**marleyandme:** he’s passed out lmao

 **marleyandme:** we’re on the uber

 **marleyandme:** he fell asleep in like 2 minutes

 **marleyandme:** he said he barely slept last night

**bigmac:** oh :((

 **bigmac:** i’ll see it later then

_[Chaotic Gay + Mean Lesbian = Ellen DeGeneres]_

_5:22PM_

**frankiegrande:** ok

 **frankiegrande:** do u think i look good????

**frankiegrande:**

**jojosiwa:** i think you look like a slut

 **jojosiwa:** why

**frankiegrande:** ok so i look good???

**jojosiwa:** yeah u look good

 **jojosiwa:** why

**frankiegrande:** im sending this to remus

**jojosiwa:** HAHUWHSWUSHWUHSUQAUQU

 **jojosiwa:** WHY????????????

**frankiegrande:** ask him what he thinks of my new piercings.......

**jojosiwa:** in a picture like THIS??

 **jojosiwa:** just send him a nude already

**frankiegrande:** lmao

 **frankiegrande:** just might 🤭

**jojosiwa:** u do realize u can barely see the nose ring in this pic right

**frankiegrande:** he doesnt have to exactly look at it.......

**jojosiwa:** HAHAHAHAHA WHORE

_[Charity Work]_

_5:31PM_

**siriusisdumb:** hey!!

**remusisdelusional:** hi!

 **remusisdelusional:** everything alright??

**siriusisdumb:** yeah yeah

 **siriusisdumb:** uhm

 **siriusisdumb:** i got 2 new piercings today!

 **siriusisdumb:** what do u think?? :))

**siriusisdumb:**

**remusisdelusional:** looks cool dude!

**siriusisdumb:** oh

 **siriusisdumb:** ok

 **siriusisdumb:** lol thanks

_[Chaotic Gay + Mean Lesbian = Ellen DeGeneres]_

_5:37PM_

**jojosiwa:** so??

 **jojosiwa:** did u send it???

**frankiegrande:** yeah

 **frankiegrande:** i sent it

**jojosiwa:** what did he say????

**frankiegrande:** _[screenshot.jpg]_

 **frankiegrande:** lets never talk about this again.

**jojosiwa:** OMGMEDNCEEC

 **jojosiwa:** LMFAOOOOOO

 **jojosiwa:** that was ruthless

**frankiegrande:** mckinnon

**jojosiwa:** sorry

 **jojosiwa:** lol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- im sorry if u cant see the nose ring at all :(( i edited the piercings into the pic cause im an editor like thaatt,, but i didnt want it to look too fake so.... this is what you'll get and dont complain. just know its there.
> 
> \- ALSO! in case u guys dont know, ive been writing another fic! its called "Abaffiato" and u can check it out here on my account, if ur interested!!! (gotta do that self promo i apologize)


	9. CHAPTER 9: Conversion Therapy

_[Lily Evans & Sirius Black]_

_7:03PM_

**lily:** did u listen to it????????

**sirius:** did i listen to what

**lily:** my playlist!!!!!

 **lily:** the one i gave u the link to this morning

 **lily:** did u give it a listen?????

**sirius:** no, lily, i have not

 **sirius:** and i dont rlly plan on doing so

 **sirius:** sorry

**lily:** WHAT WHY

**sirius:** i just dont like taylor swift’s music

 **sirius:** its not my style

**lily:** “not ur style”

 **lily:** ur not like other girls, are u

**sirius:** lol

 **sirius:** sorry lils

**lily:** no no

 **lily:** so what kind of music *do* you like then?????

**sirius:** uhm idk

 **sirius:** mother mother

 **sirius:** the nbhd

 **sirius:** miley cyrus’ new album makes me straight for her

 **sirius:** also like bowie and queen ofc

**lily:** oooooh

 **lily:** so ur like the emo gay with an individuality complex

 **lily:** gotcha gotcha

**sirius:** whATS THIS SLANDER FOR

**lily:** CAUSE U REFUSE TO GIVE TAYLOR A CHANCE

 **lily:** I REALLY THINK YOU’LL LIKE IT

 **lily:** I CAN FEEL IT IN MY BONES

 **lily:** look do this

 **lily:** go listen to her album reputation

 **lily:** its really ur vibe

_(_ ** _lily_ ** _changed the group's name from_ **_Lily Evans & Sirius Black_ ** _to_ **_Conversion Therapy_** _)_

**sirius:** ok i’ll think abt it

**lily:** no no

 **lily:** it has to be now

**sirius:** why?????

**lily:** because im close friends with gid and he’ll probably let me have aux at some point tonight

 **lily:** so u know what's playin

**sirius:** and where do i come in this story????

**lily:** i need someone to dance with me!!!!!!!

 **lily:** remus never does he’s too shy :(

 **lily:** just plssss consider

 **lily:** i know ur a good dancer

 **lily:** i can see it in ur hips

**sirius:** HAHAHA

 **sirius:** ok FINE

 **sirius:** but u owe me a coffee

**lily:** YESSSSS 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

_[Conversion Therapy]_

_7:18PM_

**lily:** are u listening???????????????

**sirius:** yes

 **sirius:** end game

**lily:** I LOVE THAT ONE

 **lily:** THOUGHTS SO FAR??????

**sirius:** its not........ BAAAAD

**lily:** 🥰🥰

_[Conversion Therapy]_

_7:25PM_

**sirius:** look what you made me do sucks

**lily:** yeah ok i agree thats not her best ://

_[Conversion Therapy]_

_7:37PM_

**lily:** ok sorry im stalking ur activity on spotifyyyy

 **lily:** ur on dont blame me

 **lily:** so?????

**lily:** sirius???

**sirius:** i might have just transcended spiritually.

**lily:** YESYESYESYES

 **lily:** FUCK YES

 **lily:** YEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSS

_[MoonFlower <3]_

_7:45PM_

**gingertaylorswift:** if u dont marry sirius i might just have to do it myself

**therealslimmoony:** whERE THE FUCK DID THIS COME FROM???????

**gingertaylorswift:** just sayin

 **gingertaylorswift:** anyway

 **gingertaylorswift:** picking u up in 2 hours

 **gingertaylorswift:** be ready

**therealslimmoony:** yes maam

**gingertaylorswift:** good boy

_[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]_

_9:23PM_

**rawrdorkyXD:** WHO’S READY TO

 **rawrdorkyXD:** PAR

 **rawrdorkyXD:** TAAAYYY

**himbosupremacy:** YUP YUP YUP

**simmermary69:** YOU KNOW IT

 **simmermary69:** _@toohottohandle @marleynotbob_ you two fuckers better hold ur drinks tonight

**marleynotbob:** yes mum

**toohottohandle:** yes mum

**simmermary69:** thats what i like to hear

**buddyvalastro:** who's the driver for tonight???

**toohottohandle:** im staying at james’ and we’re gonna take an uber back home

**simmermary69:** marlene and i are also taking an uber

**sexymoonman:** im the driver for me and lils #SobrietyIsCool

**fireballswiftie:** my responsible little man 🥰

**buddyvalastro:** oh

 **buddyvalastro:** prongs can i crash in too??

 **buddyvalastro:** then i wont have to go home alone

 **buddyvalastro:** remember the last time i tried to call an uber drunk by myself......

**himbosupremacy:** yeah it took us 9 hours to find you the next day...

 **himbosupremacy:** of course u can wormy

**buddyvalastro:** cheers

**rawrdorkyXD:** can anyone give me a ride??

 **rawrdorkyXD:** dont wanna take an uber alone at night and im definitely drinking tonight so im not driving

**simmermary69:** we can!!

 **simmermary69:** we can just ask the uber to stop at urs

 **simmermary69:** no biggie

**rawrdorkyXD:** yaaay thanks!!!!

_[Destiny’s Child]_

_9:48PM_

**marleyandme:** ok

 **marleyandme:** what do we think of the fit??

**marleyandme:**

**barksexybark:** you look like an old man

**marleyandme:** perfect

**bigmac:** looking hot mamas!!!

 **bigmac:** ok im ready so we can go

**barksexybark:** i’ll be done in 5

 **barksexybark:** then u can come pick me up

**bigmac:** ok perf

_[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]_

_10:07PM_

**toohottohandle:** marley mary and i are almost there

 **toohottohandle:** are u all there yet

**himbosupremacy:** YUP THE GANGS ALL HERE ALREADY

**rawrdorkyXD:** WAITING FOR UUUUUUU

_[Marlene McKinnon & Dorcas Meadowes]_

_10:09PM_

**dorcas:** im by the balcony btw

 **dorcas:** i can stya here if u want

 **dorcas:** so u dont have to look for me

 **dorcas:** :)))

**marlene:** hiii

 **marlene:** thats perfect!!!!

 **marlene:** thanks!! :))

**dorcas:** <3 xx

_[Pea & Bees]_

_10:11PM_

**dorcas:** fuck

 **dorcas:** fuuuckk

**lily:** what???

 **lily:** did anything happen?????

 **lily:** where are u??

**dorcas:** i juts accidentally sent marlene a heART AND TWO KISSES

 **dorcas:** OEVR TEXT

**lily:** oh!

 **lily:** so ur whipped! cute!

**dorcas:** NONOONOMNO

 **dorcas:** IM NTO NO

**remus:** are you tipsy?

**dorcas:**.....a lil bit..

**remus:** so u sent that to her... while tipsy?

**dorcas:** ur pointt???/

**remus:** lmao yeah ur whipped

 **remus:** where are u btw

**dorcas:** by thebalcony

 **dorcas:** that xenophilius guy is owing me a joint

 **dorcas:** u????

**lily:** AT THE KITCEHN!!!!!  
 ****

 **lily:** WE’RE DOING THE AUGUST DANCE!!!!

 **lily:** FOR MY TIKTOK!!!!!!

**remus:** lily you are well warned

 **remus:** this will stay in ur drafts

**lily:** DCIWJOWEOWIFJEIFJIEWJD

_[Charity Work]_

_11:16PM_

**remusisdelusional:** hey where are you

 **remusisdelusional:** lily is looking for u for some reason...??

 **remusisdelusional:** she says its cause she’s getting aux..

**siriusisdumb:** MOOONHY

 **siriusisdumb:** HIIIIIIIIIIUII

**remusisdelusional:** hey

 **remusisdelusional:** can u come to the living room

 **remusisdelusional:** she looks like a lost child looking for their mum

**siriusisdumb:** DID YUO LIKE MHY PIERCINSG???????????

**remusisdelusional:** lol

 **remusisdelusional:** i said they looked cool didnt i

**siriusisdumb:** yeha ig....

 **siriusisdumb:** nvm

 **siriusisdumb:** COMIGNNNN

_[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]_

_11:21PM_

**marleyandme:** sicne when does siriss like taylpr swift????

**sexymoonman:** i think lily is growing on him

**marleyandme:** lmafao

_[MoonFlower <3]_

_11:47PM_

**gingertaylorswift:** sirus looskk good in tihs pic

 **gingertaylorswift:** ;))))))

**therealslimmoony:** STOP LOOKING OVER AT MY PHONE PERV

**gingertaylorswift:** 💘💘💘

_[Charity Work]_

_12:22AM_

**siriusisdumb:** MOONS CKME PLWY BEER PONGG WIHT MEEE

**remusisdelusional:** im driving tonight

 **remusisdelusional:** cant drink

**siriusisdumb:** ILL DRJNK 4 UUU

 **siriusisdumb:** COME CKOKE COMR COME

**remusisdelusional:** ok fine

 **remusisdelusional:** where are you

**siriusisdumb:** KTHCENNN

_[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]_

_12:46AM_

**simmermary69:** I JSUT SAW BENJY AND CARADOC MKING OUT

 **simmermary69:**!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!1!1!!!!!!111!!

**himbosupremacy:** NOWAYYDH

**simmermary69:** YESS BY TEH BATHROOM

**fireballswiftie:** IVE BEEN WWAITYING FOR TIHS ONE

 **fireballswiftie:** TURN IT UPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!

_[Say No To Colonizers]_

_1:35AM_

**notvirginmary:** hey wehre r u ????

**notvirginmary:** nvm.,

 **notvirginmary:** WDJCIWOEKDOWCIWCJECJIEJC

_[Effie’s Boyz ASF]_

_1:57AM_

**prongs:** BRUUUUHHHHHH

 **prongs:** WHERRE ARE U

 **prongs:** PETE IS HIGH OUT OF HSI MINDDDD

 **prongs:** DKWFWOFE

 **prongs:** IST SO FNNY

 **prongs:** COME WATCH

**padfoot:** bsuy

 **padfoot:** busy

**prongs:** oojjjjhhhh

 **prongs:** naughtyy

_[MoonFlower <3]_

_2:32PM_

**gingertaylorswift:** i saw itt btw..

 **gingertaylorswift:** ;))))))))))))))))

**therealslimmoony:**?????

**gingertaylorswift:** ewarliyer

 **gingertaylorswift:** earlier

**therealslimmoony:** oh ffs

_[Charity Work]_

_4:15AM_

**remusisdelusional:** you’ll only see this when you wake up but i put a packet of aspirin and one of engov in the pocket of ur jacket

 **remusisdelusional:** idk how u get when ur hungover so i put both just in case

 **remusisdelusional:** i told james to leave some water around too

 **remusisdelusional:** so drink it alright??

 **remusisdelusional:** i also asked him to give u some cotton or something in case ur piercing starts bleeding again

 **remusisdelusional:** so yeah

 **remusisdelusional:** im on the uber taking lily home

 **remusisdelusional:** shes snoring on my shoulder lol

 **remusisdelusional:** ok idk why i said this

 **remusisdelusional:** lol

 **remusisdelusional:** uhm

 **remusisdelusional:** k bye

 **remusisdelusional:** drink the water

 **remusisdelusional:** bye

_[Destiny’s Child]_

_7:09AM_

**marleyandme:** i just woke up

 **marleyandme:** and im not in my room

 **marleyandme:** am confused

 **marleyandme:** does anyone have any idea where i am?????

**bigmac:** oh yeah

 **bigmac:** ur at dorcas’

 **bigmac:** 😉🥰

**marleyandme:** COME AGAIN???????


	10. CHAPTER 10: Jeffree Star Looking Ass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you guys’ support and love is so overwhelming in the best way possible! like i said, i cant even thank you enough!! sending it all back and so much more ur way!!! <33 tysm!! so glad ur enjoying the fic just as much as i am enjoying writing it! :)

_[MoonFlower <3]_

_8:48AM_

**therealslimmoony:** GOOD MORNING PRIIIIIINCESSSSSSS

**gingertaylorswift:** oh my god why do you have to scream

**therealslimmoony:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHWUSH

 **therealslimmoony:** how am i screaming over text?????

**gingertaylorswift:** the caps are too loud

 **gingertaylorswift:** ew i can still taste the strawberry and lime cider

 **gingertaylorswift:** this feels like year 11 all over again

**therealslimmoony:** HAHAHAHA

 **therealslimmoony:** i knew i was having some deja vu......

**gingertaylorswift:** ugh

 **gingertaylorswift:** it was fun tho

 **gingertaylorswift:** so i dont regret a thing!

**therealslimmoony:** lol

 **therealslimmoony:** well thats great then

 **therealslimmoony:** cause u did have quite the party

 **therealslimmoony:** even begged me for us to take aN UBER BACK HOME

 **therealslimmoony:** CAUSE EVERYONE WAS TAKING AN UBER AND U DIDNT WANT TO FEEL LEFT OUT

 **therealslimmoony:** my car is still there im gonna have to go get it

**gingertaylorswift:** yup as i should!! ☝️

 **gingertaylorswift:** uni life yuhhhh

 **gingertaylorswift:** and i’ll go get ur car for u dw

 **gingertaylorswift:**....i remember taking shots with mary

 **gingertaylorswift:** AND OMG DANCING WITH SIRIUS

 **gingertaylorswift:** TO TAYLOR

 **gingertaylorswift:** WHAT SONG WAS IT

 **gingertaylorswift:** WAIT

 **gingertaylorswift:** ITS COMING TO ME

 **gingertaylorswift:** DONT SAY IT

**therealslimmoony:** getaway car

**gingertaylorswift:** YOU SON OF A BITCH

 **gingertaylorswift:** but yeah getaway car

 **gingertaylorswift:** ahh sweet boy that one

 **gingertaylorswift:** agree????

**therealslimmoony:**...yeah???

**gingertaylorswift:** lol

 **gingertaylorswift:** cute lil moment u two shared in the kitchen

 **gingertaylorswift:** if my memory doesn't fail me

**therealslimmoony:** i think it does fail you 😕

**gingertaylorswift:** nonono

 **gingertaylorswift:** i remember what i saw

 **gingertaylorswift:** just like i remember u looking at a picture of him on your phone...???

**therealslimmoony:** DUDE IT POPPED UP

 **therealslimmoony:** AND YOU HAVE TO STOP LOOKING OVER AT MY STUFF

**gingertaylorswift:** hehe

**therealslimmoony:** and i was just helping him in the kitchen

**gingertaylorswift:** helping him in a very gay way 🤨

**therealslimmoony:** bro what else did u want me to do

 **therealslimmoony:** leave the guy bleeding???

 **therealslimmoony:** we were playing beer pong and that fucking edgar bones guy threw the ball at his mouth

**gingertaylorswift:** oh ive played against him once

 **gingertaylorswift:** homeboy has the worst aim..

**therealslimmoony:** yEAH

 **therealslimmoony:** and then sirius’ lip started bleeding

 **therealslimmoony:** cause idk if u saw but he got a lip ring yesterday

 **therealslimmoony:** also a nose ring but thats unrelated

 **therealslimmoony:** anyway

 **therealslimmoony:** it started bleeding and it wouldn't stop so i took him further into the kitchen and gave him a cloth

 **therealslimmoony:** but he was so drunk that he was almost taking off the ring trying to clean it

 **therealslimmoony:** and then i just went fuck it and took the cloth and did it myself

 **therealslimmoony:** i would still be there rn if i had left it up to him

**gingertaylorswift:** yeah thats really fucking gay

 **gingertaylorswift:** like

 **gingertaylorswift:** easily the gayest thing ive seen you do in years

 **gingertaylorswift:** maybe ever

**therealslimmoony:** dude he’s my FRIEND

 **therealslimmoony:** i would’ve done the same for you

 **therealslimmoony:** or anyone else

 **therealslimmoony:** he was drunk and i helped him

 **therealslimmoony:** he wouldve gotten an infection or something

**gingertaylorswift:** awww he careees 🥰

**therealslimmoony:**???? of course i care

 **therealslimmoony:** but that doesnt mean its anything but friendship

 **therealslimmoony:** you have to stop thinking im lonely and try pairing me up with random ppl

**gingertaylorswift:** i know i do that

 **gingertaylorswift:** and i apologize

 **gingertaylorswift:** but only with the random people part..

 **gingertaylorswift:** ANYWAY

 **gingertaylorswift:** DID U SEE

 **gingertaylorswift:** MARLENE AND DORCAS????

**therealslimmoony:** yES

 **therealslimmoony:** it was hard to rlly miss tho..

_[Destiny’s Child]_

_7:10AM_

**marleyandme:** mary

 **marleyandme:** dont play with me rn

 **marleyandme:** where the fuck am i

**bigmac:** dude im telling u

 **bigmac:** ur at dorcas’

 **bigmac:** its where i left u last night

 **bigmac:** we went home at like 3??

 **bigmac:** u two were all over each other

 **bigmac:** like......almost aggressively

 **bigmac:** but i was tired so i called an uber

 **bigmac:** and when when we arrived at hers to drop her off she asked if u wanted to go with her and u didnt even hesitate

 **bigmac:** so yeah

 **bigmac:** thats where u are, naughty girl ;)

**marleyandme:** oH MY GOD

 **marleyandme:** WAIT NO CAUSE

 **marleyandme:** I MIGHT REMEMBER

 **marleyandme:** JUST MIGHT

 **marleyandme:** MY BRAIN MUST HAVE THOUGHT IT WAS A DREAM OR SUMN

 **marleyandme:** but shes not here  
 ****

 **marleyandme:** im alone in the bed

**marleyandme:** wait

 **marleyandme:** i hear footsteps

**marleyandme:** ok ig im at dorcas’ then

 **marleyandme:** she walked in with her hair wet and said good morning and leaned in and kiSSED ME..............

**bigmac:** JNWUWDUWJWIDUHUHVHC

**marleyandme:** i-

 **marleyandme:** uhm

 **marleyandme:** ok gtg

_[Charity Work]_

_9:22AM_

**remusisdelusional:** hey

 **remusisdelusional:** how u feeling??

 **remusisdelusional:** hows ur lip???

 **remusisdelusional:** still there?

**siriusisdumb:** still have two

 **siriusisdumb:** and they’re still on my face

**remusisdelusional:** a relief! ☝️

**siriusisdumb:** lol

 **siriusisdumb:** sorry for last night btw

 **siriusisdumb:** i was reeeaaally drunk

**remusisdelusional:** i could tell lol

**siriusisdumb:** yeah

 **siriusisdumb:** sorry abt it

 **siriusisdumb:** u didnt have to stay with me and think u have to take care of me or anything

 **siriusisdumb:** so im sorry

**remusisdelusional:** dont worry abt it

 **remusisdelusional:** its fine

 **remusisdelusional:** like really

 **remusisdelusional:** its what friends are for right??

**siriusisdumb:** yeah yeah

 **siriusisdumb:** right yeah

_[Chaotic Gay + Mean Lesbian = Ellen DeGeneres]_

_9:39AM_

**frankiegrande:** BITCH

 **frankiegrande:** THE DETAILS

 **frankiegrande:** HAND EM OVER 🤲

**jojosiwa:** JFVNERKFKFVIRFJEK

 **jojosiwa:** IM GETTING DRESSED

 **jojosiwa:** WE’RE GOING OUT FOR BREAKFAST

 **jojosiwa:** I’LL STOP BY AT URS AND I’LL TELL YOU EVERYTHING

**frankiegrande:** OKOKOKOKOK IM OMW HOME ANYWAY

 **frankiegrande:** bring me back something btw james only has protein bars and i refuse.......

**jojosiwa:** im bringing u a smoked bacon roll

**frankiegrande:** the wayu know me..

 **frankiegrande:** oh and some coffee too

**jojosiwa:** cold brew latte with almond milk

 **jojosiwa:** yeah yeah i know

**frankiegrande:** love you

**jojosiwa:** fuck off

 **jojosiwa:** xx

_[It's Fucking Brunch Times Bitches]_

_11:47AM_

**simmermary69:** dude

 **simmermary69:** DUDE

 **simmermary69:** HAHA  
 ****

 **simmermary69:** NO FUCKING WAY

**himbosupremacy:** what happened???

**toohottohandle:**??

**simmermary69:** DOES ANYONE KNOW WHERE THAT MF LUCIUS MALFOY LIVES

**fireballswiftie:** i think he has a place outside campus

 **fireballswiftie:** why??

**simmermary69:** ADDRESS??????

**toohottohandle:** bro WHY

**simmermary69:** HIS FUCKING BITCH ASS STOLE MY JUUL

 **simmermary69:** IM GONNA MURDER HIS JEFFREE STAR LOOKING ASS

**sexymoonman:** LMFAOOWDOD

 **sexymoonman:** if u smoked hand rolled ciggies u wouldn't be having this problem tho 🤷

**simmermary69:** SHUT THE FUCK UP TIKTOK ALT BOY

**fireballswiftie:** heeey hey heyy

 **fireballswiftie:** maybe lets not get aggressive over a juul?? :)

**sexymoonman:** I DONT LOOK LIKE A TIKTOK ALT BOY SIRIUS DOES

**toohottohandle:** bro im CHILLIN IN MY CORNER ???????

**simmermary69:** duDE I FUCKING SWEAR IM ABOUT TO HATE CRIME THAT BITCH

 **simmermary69:** I DONT FUCKING CARE

 **simmermary69:** IM BREAKING IN AND STEALING HIS HAIR BLEACH

 **simmermary69:** PUT ME BEHIND BARS IDC

_[Marauderzzz]_

_11:56AM_

**pwonggy:** bro

 **pwonggy:** her juul is with me

**padsies:** I NOTICED U HAD GONE QUIET

 **padsies:** KIFWIEFJIWEJFUWEHFDIWEFIW

 **padsies:** FJNRFIIVJEIRFJOEW

**bakamoonyasf:** HOW ARE YOU WITH HER JUUL

**pwonggy:** LUCIUS LET ME HAVE A HIT AND I JUST TOOK IT AND VANISHED

 **pwonggy:** I THOUGHT IT WAS HIS

 **pwonggy:** FUCKING HATE THAT GUY

 **pwonggy:** and ive been wanting a juul for a while now.......

**padsies:** are you SURE its hers???

**pwonggy:** yes it has a pink M sticker on the front

**padsies:** EIEJIRJFIRJDEKDOWSO0WD

 **padsies:** SHES GONNA KILL YOU

**bakamoonyasf:** shes not gonna KILL him

 **bakamoonyasf:** just tell her the truth and give it back

 **bakamoonyasf:** it was just a misunderstanding

**padsies:** moony you dont know how macdonald is with her juul

 **padsies:** she loves it more than she loves her own mum

 **padsies:** one day without it and she turns into a monster

 **padsies:** she even named it

 **padsies:** Juulia Roberts

**bakamoonyasf:** goodbye.

**pwonggy:** OK I KNOW WHAT IM GONNA DO

 **pwonggy:** IM GONNA BUY HER 2 PACKS OF NEW PODS

 **pwonggy:** AND SOME CHOCOLATE

 **pwonggy:** STOP BY AT HERS AND APOLOGIZE

 **pwonggy:** WHATS HER FAVORITE POD FLAVOR??

**padsies:** menthol

 **padsies:** and her fave chocolate is dairy milk

 **padsies:** golden crisp

**pwonggy:** OK OK WISH ME LUCK

**padsies:** good luck baka

**bakamoonyasf:** good luck

**padsies:** dude where's wormtail??

**wormysoftboy:** im trying to catch up on the drama

 **wormysoftboy:** damn julia roberts is missing????

 **wormysoftboy:** 😧😧

_[Pea & Bees]_

_12:28PM_

_(_ ** _lily_ ** _changed_ **_dorcas_** _’s name to_ **_mckinnonslovergirl_** _)_

**lily:** well helloooooo

**remus:** YUP YUP YUP

**mckinnonslovergirl:** HAHAHAHAHA

 **mckinnonslovergirl:** for christs sake

_(_ ** _mckinnonslovergirl_ ** _changed_ **_lily_** _’s name to_ **_nosy1_** _)_

 _(_ ** _mckinnonslovergirl_ ** _changed_ **_remus_** _’s name to_ **_nosy2_** _)_

**nosy1:** dont care

 **nosy1:** i fuCKING KNEW YOU TWO WERE GONNA HOOK UP

 **nosy1:** FUCKING WRITTEN IN THE STARS

**mckinnonslovergirl:** what can i do..

 **mckinnonslovergirl:** pretty girl looks at me.... i look at pretty girl....... and its on

**nosy2:** LMFAO

**nosy1:** so????

 **nosy1:** how was it????

**mckinnonslovergirl:** sure u want the details??

**nosy1:** 🙄🙄

 **nosy1:** u know what i meant

**mckinnonslovergirl:** lol

 **mckinnonslovergirl:** it was great

 **mckinnonslovergirl:** shes great yk

**nosy1:** are u dating??? 🥺💖

**mckinnonslovergirl:** waIT WAIT WAIT

 **mckinnonslovergirl:** haha

 **mckinnonslovergirl:** we just hooked up alright

**nosy1:** but you like her!!

**mckinnonslovergirl:** i never said that

 **mckinnonslovergirl:** we’ve known each other for so little

 **mckinnonslovergirl:** lets not skip steps

**nosy1:** 🙄

**nosy2:** agreed, cas

 **nosy2:** dont listen to lily

 **nosy2:** she thinks shes a matchmaker or sumn

**nosy1:** I DONT THINK THAT

 **nosy1:** i just KNOW when there's chemistry

 **nosy1:** mr i was just cleaning his lip

**nosy2:** oH DONT START WITH THIS AGAIN

**mckinnonslovergirl:** wait wait hold awn

 **mckinnonslovergirl:** who was mr lupin cleaning the lip of

 **mckinnonslovergirl:** and important question

 **mckinnonslovergirl:** was it with his *own* lips??

**nosy1:** he wishes 😏😏😏

**mckinnonslovergirl:** ayee

**nosy2:** k im out

**nosy1:** noooo dont go lover boy 🥺🥺🥺 my lip is bleeding 🥺🥺 can u clean it for me pweeaseee 🥺🥺🥺🥺

**nosy2:** i hate you

**nosy1:** JNCEIJCIJIODIEJIE

_[Charity Work]_

_12:49PM_

**remusisdelusional:** hey wanna go grab some lunch??

 **remusisdelusional:** we can stop by at ollivanders too if u fancy

 **remusisdelusional:** maybe they’ll have hunky dory this time

 **remusisdelusional:** if ur still feeling hungover its fine dw

 **remusisdelusional:** we dont have to go

 **remusisdelusional:** it was just an idea rlly

**siriusisdumb:** moony

 **siriusisdumb:** its fine lol

 **siriusisdumb:** lets go

**remusisdelusional:** oh

 **remusisdelusional:** k great

 **remusisdelusional:** but ur gonna have to pick me up cause my car is still at gid and fab’s

**siriusisdumb:** sure

 **siriusisdumb:** have u ever rode a motorbike??

**remusisdelusional:** oh fuck no


	11. CHAPTER 11: They Were On A Break

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know i said in like chapter 2 that lily was excited for april 9th due to taylor's new album and now boom suddenly its october and its almost sirius' birthday. i dont care. time is just a concept and the fic is mine and i create the rules.

_[Mummy & Boys _ 🌷👩👦👦❣️ _]_

_9:34AM_

**Euphemia Potter:** Good Morning , my loves ....!!! ☀️💝😍

**JamieTheSecondFavorite:** hi mum!!!

**Euphemia Potter:** Sirius, Sweetie I see you still haven’t changed Jamie’s nick name yet..😂🤩

**KingSiriusTheFavorite:** why would i if its true effie??

 **KingSiriusTheFavorite:** 💕

**Euphemia Potter:** Silly Boy !!..

 **Euphemia Potter:** 🤫🤫

**JamieTheSecondFavorite:** 🧐🧐🧐🧐

**Euphemia Potter:** HAhahahA LOL 😂😂

 **Euphemia Potter:** Always nice to tease , Jamie 💖😍

**JamieTheSecondFavorite:** i’ll let it pass.... again

 **JamieTheSecondFavorite:** so how’s everything, mum??

 **JamieTheSecondFavorite:** how’s dad??

**Euphemia Potter:** Oh It’s All Marvellous , Darling !!!..

 **Euphemia Potter:** Your Father and I miss you two very much...😢

**KingSiriusTheFavorite:** you can always come and visit!

 **KingSiriusTheFavorite:** or we could go out for dinner?

 **KingSiriusTheFavorite:** i know you’re a few hours away but we could all stay at james’ for a weekend

**JamieTheSecondFavorite:** yeah!!

**Euphemia Potter:** Oh I’m afraid It’s not so easy, Dears ...

 **Euphemia Potter:** But we’ll see what we can arrange ..!!! 😁

 **Euphemia Potter:** Especially with your Birthday🎉 coming up , Sirius honey!! 💗🌟

 **Euphemia Potter:** # 2 #Weeks 🥳

**KingSiriusTheFavorite:** yeah!!!!!

**Euphemia Potter:** Are you Planning something ??..

**KingSiriusTheFavorite:** we’re having a party at james’

 **KingSiriusTheFavorite:** halloween themed since its so close!

**JamieTheSecondFavorite:** :)))

**Euphemia Potter:** OH !! Amazing..!!! 🥳💝😁🎉

 **Euphemia Potter:** Oh and that reminds me ....

 **Euphemia Potter:** Speaking of Parties

 **Euphemia Potter:** James , Sirius told me about an occurrence 2 Weeks Ago ...

 **Euphemia Potter:** I believe your Father and I taught you two boys very well about the dangers and consequences of cigarettes ....

 **Euphemia Potter:** Whether they are electronic or Not ......

 **Euphemia Potter:** But I am aware there is Only So Much I can do..

 **Euphemia Potter:** But stealing , James Potter???...

 **Euphemia Potter:** I taught you so much better than this!!

 **Euphemia Potter:** Stealing an electronic cigarette from a Friend, I’ve never seen such a thing !!!!

**JamieTheSecondFavorite:** mum it was just a misunderstanding

**Euphemia Potter:** You could've gone to Prison ....!!

**JamieTheSecondFavorite:** mum it was an accident!!

**Euphemia Potter:** I do not want to hear it ..

 **Euphemia Potter:** I hope you have already apologized to the girl and returned her device ....

**JamieTheSecondFavorite:** i did mum i swear

 **JamieTheSecondFavorite:** i returned it to her the next day

 **JamieTheSecondFavorite:** it was just a misunderstanding

**Euphemia Potter:** I will be sending you a link to an Article on the dangers of Smoking , I thought you had learned when you were 15

 **Euphemia Potter:** Clearly not ...

**KingSiriusTheFavorite:** so disappointing 😔😔

**JamieTheSecondFavorite:** im sorry mum

**Euphemia Potter:** Very Well

 **Euphemia Potter:** Now get off your phone and pay attention to your lectures !!

 **Euphemia Potter:** I Love You Two Very Much 💖🌈💐

 **Euphemia Potter:** Have a Good Day , My Darlings 🌼

**KingSiriusTheFavorite:** bye effie!!!!! 💘

**JamieTheSecondFavorite:** bye mum love you ♥️

_[Effie’s Boyz ASF]_

_9:52AM_

**padfoot:** CEHIEIWJDOWEJCIWEJCIWEJDIWEJ

 **padfoot:** EKRVIRFJORVORIRC

**prongs:** on a scale of 1 to 10

 **prongs:** how dead do you think you are

**padfoot:** i’d say maybe 9.5?

**prongs:** do that times 1000

_[Conversion Therapy]_

_3:45PM_

**lily:** hiii lovie!!!

**sirius:** hey lils! :)

**lily:** are we ready to progress???

**sirius:** progress on what?

**lily:** sirius

 **lily:** on taylor’s discography, of course!

**sirius:** HAHAHAHAHAHA

 **sirius:** lily

 **sirius:** just because i said one of her albums wasnt so bad

 **sirius:** it doesnt mean im interested on the rest of her discography

**lily:** BRO

 **lily:** YOU WERE DANCING WITH ME

 **lily:** AT GID AND FABS

**sirius:** i was drunk

**lily:** when we’re drunk is when our true inner selves come out

 **lily:** and i believe ur inner self is a true hardcore swift

 **lily:** we just have to

 **lily:** you know

 **lily:** trigger it

**sirius:** yeah yeah sure

**lily:** question:

 **lily:** have you ever been in love?

**sirius:** not that i remember

 **sirius:** why

**lily:** well because it matters depending on which album you’ll listen next

 **lily:** after being in love the taylor experience is just.... something else

**sirius:** have YOU ever been in love, mrs evans??

**lily:** oh yes

 **lily:** preston fawley, year 7

 **lily:** my first kiss

 **lily:** i thought we were gonna get married, you see.....

 **lily:** but no

 **lily:** he had other plans

 **lily:** “we are 12 evans we cant get married this weekend.... nor the next”

 **lily:** and thats when the way i loved you came in

 **lily:** and its 2am and im cursing your name.....

 **lily:** ur so in love that you act insane......

 **lily:** and thats the way i loved you...

 **lily:** 😩😩😩

 **lily:** oh preston....

 **lily:** i think he’s gay now

**sirius:** LMFAOO

**lily:** ANYWAY

 **lily:** enough of my atrocious love life

 **lily:** shall we listen to 1989??

 **lily:** i think u’ll love it!!

 **lily:** its one of my fave albums ong

 **lily:** we have clean, new romantics (!!!!), style, out of the woods, i wish you would...

 **lily:** its a whole Bop from start to finish

**sirius:** i’ll consider

 **sirius:** maybe one day when i fall in love and have my heart shattered into pieces

 **sirius:** i’ll hit you up

**lily:** uuuggghhh but i dont wanna wait until then 😩

**sirius:** HAHAHAHAHSH

_[Moony And Prongs Take On The World]_

_4:41PM_

**stagsarecool:** hi moony man

**badmoonrising:** hey prongs

 **badmoonrising:** what's up

**stagsarecool:** nothing much

 **stagsarecool:** im leaving practice

 **stagsarecool:** footie

**badmoonrising:** nice!

 **badmoonrising:** my favorite jock

**stagsarecool:** :))

**stagsarecool:** uhm actually

 **stagsarecool:** i wanted to ask u something??

**badmoonrising:** sure

**stagsarecool:** does lily idk

 **stagsarecool:** not like me??

**badmoonrising:** uhm

 **badmoonrising:** define not like

**stagsarecool:** oh its just that like

 **stagsarecool:** ive sent lily some memes that i thought were funny

 **stagsarecool:** and she always leaves me on read

 **stagsarecool:** idk if im being annoying

 **stagsarecool:** if she just doesnt like me

 **stagsarecool:** idk

**badmoonrising:** ohh

 **badmoonrising:** idk prongs

 **badmoonrising:** its just

 **badmoonrising:** i dont think shes interested in you

 **badmoonrising:** the way u are u know

**stagsarecool:** ://

**badmoonrising:** yeah :(

 **badmoonrising:** i dont think she doesnt *like you*

 **badmoonrising:** i just think ur in different pages yk

**stagsarecool:** yeah yeah gotcha

 **stagsarecool:** idk i just think shes so great

 **stagsarecool:** shes so funny and smart

 **stagsarecool:** like shes really fucking smart im scared sometimes

 **stagsarecool:** and she smells so good

 **stagsarecool:** like vanilla

 **stagsarecool:** i love vanilla

 **stagsarecool:** and shes so pretty

 **stagsarecool:** idk i get nervous around her and i know she probably thinks im an idiot

**badmoonrising:** nooo she doesnt think ur an idiot

**stagsarecool:** yeah idk

 **stagsarecool:** its fine tho

 **stagsarecool:** just wanted to ask

 **stagsarecool:** thanks :)

**badmoonrising:** no worries :)

**badmoonrising:** actually prongs

**stagsarecool:** yeah

**badmoonrising:** do this

 **badmoonrising:** uhm

 **badmoonrising:** _https://open.spotify.com/playlist/37i9dQZF1DX5KpP2LN299J?si=Mp986jcISYOJnRtAj0LCQg_

 **badmoonrising:** this is the link to her taylor swift playlist

 **badmoonrising:** shes her all time favorite singer

 **badmoonrising:** maybe give it a listen??

 **badmoonrising:** u’d have something to talk abt with her then!

**stagsarecool:** fuck moons ur the best!!!!

 **stagsarecool:** ive never listened to taylor swift before

 **stagsarecool:** i’ll give it a try

 **stagsarecool:** tysm!!!!!!! ur the best ever!!!!!!

**badmoonrising:** haha dw

 **badmoonrising:** im an advocate for love ;)

**stagsarecool:** oooohhhhh

 **stagsarecool:** romaaantic moooonssss

 **stagsarecool:** 😏😏😏

**badmoonrising:** HAHAHAHA

_[Charity Work]_

_4:57AM_

**remusisdelusional:** no no im done

 **remusisdelusional:** i cant do this anymore

 **remusisdelusional:** i physically cannot do this anymore

**siriusisdumb:** oh remus come on

**remusisdelusional:** no

 **remusisdelusional:** im done with you

 **remusisdelusional:** just block me already idc

**siriusisdumb:** remus PLEASE

 **siriusisdumb:** you know im right

 **siriusisdumb:** ur just too stubborn

**remusisdelusional:** too stubborn????

 **remusisdelusional:** they wereNT ON A BREAK

 **remusisdelusional:** how can u say that they were

**siriusisdumb:** BECAUSE THEY LITERALLY SAID THEY WERE ON A BREAK???

**remusisdelusional:** ROSS CHEATED ON HER

**siriusisdumb:** HOW DID HE CHEAT ON HER IF THEY WERE ON A BREAK

**remusisdelusional:** DUDE THEY WERENT

**siriusisdumb:** look

 **siriusisdumb:** im not saying rachel didn't have the right to be upset

 **siriusisdumb:** like im on her side on that

 **siriusisdumb:** but like

 **siriusisdumb:** they were, indeed, on a break

 **siriusisdumb:** like we can rewatch that episode if you want and check

 **siriusisdumb:** ross and rachel were on a break

**remusisdelusional:** fine

 **remusisdelusional:** we’ll rewatch it

 **remusisdelusional:** and you’ll see

 **remusisdelusional:** what a moNSTER LOOKS LIKE

 **remusisdelusional:** WHO FUCKING CHEATS ON RACHEL GREEN

 **remusisdelusional:** THATS JENNIFER ANISTON DUDE

**siriusisdumb:** HE DIDNT CHEAT ON HER

**remusisdelusional:** oh yeah SURE

 **remusisdelusional:** next thing you’ll say she was right abt not going to paris

**siriusisdumb:**.......

**remusisdelusional:** oH FOR FUCKS SAKE

**siriusisdumb:** SHE LOVED HIM

**remusisdelusional:** PARIS WAS HER DREAM

 **remusisdelusional:** AND SHE STAYED IN NEW YORK FOR HIM

 **remusisdelusional:** FOR FUCKING ROSS GELLER

 **remusisdelusional:** ARE YOU KIDDING ME

**siriusisdumb:** THEY WERE MEANT FOR EACH OTHER

 **siriusisdumb:** LOBSTERS, REMUS

 **siriusisdumb:** LOBSTERS

 **siriusisdumb:** I BET YOU SHIP RACHEL AND JOEY

**remusisdelusional:** nah not really

 **remusisdelusional:** they were too good as friends

**siriusisdumb:** well if we go by the logic

 **siriusisdumb:** then chandler and monica should've stayed friends too then

**remusisdelusional:** oh nO NO NO NEVER

 **remusisdelusional:** they are fucking chandler and monica

 **remusisdelusional:** monica and chandler

 **remusisdelusional:** literal soulmates

**siriusisdumb:** aw there is a romantic inside of you after all

 **siriusisdumb:** you loVE DENIER

 **siriusisdumb:** ROSS AND RACHEL LOVED EACH OTHER

 **siriusisdumb:** THEY HAD A DAUGHTER TOGETHER

 **siriusisdumb:** RACHEL WOULDNT BE HAPPY WITHOUT HIM IN PARIS

**remusisdelusional:** DUDE SHE WOULDVE BEEN IN FUCKING PARIS

 **remusisdelusional:** FOLLOWING HER DREAMS

**siriusisdumb:** she CHOSE to stay

**remusisdelusional:** he BEGGED her not to go

 **remusisdelusional:** he got inside her mind

 **remusisdelusional:** thats like emotional manipulation

**siriusisdumb:** my fucking god

 **siriusisdumb:** look

 **siriusisdumb:** for my birthday

 **siriusisdumb:** the best gift you can give me

 **siriusisdumb:** is having common sense

 **siriusisdumb:** like thats all i want

 **siriusisdumb:** please i just want you to be able to have an actual conversation with me based on the FACTS

**remusisdelusional:** when is ur birthday

**siriusisdumb:** nov 3rd

**remusisdelusional:** duDE THATS IN LIKE 2 WEEKS ????

**siriusisdumb:** ive heard

**remusisdelusional:** AND YOU DIDNT THINK ABT TELLING ME THAT???

 **remusisdelusional:** WE’VE KNOWN EACH OTHER FOR A MONTH AND YOU DIDNT TELL ME WHEN UR BIRTHDAY WAS

**siriusisdumb:** i said i was a scorpio?

 **siriusisdumb:** u were supposed to know it was at least coming up

**remusisdelusional:** u think i know when its fucking scorpio season or whatever tf thats called

**siriusisdumb:** lol

 **siriusisdumb:** but pls consider my gift 🥺

 **siriusisdumb:** its all i want 🥺🥺

 **siriusisdumb:** then we can rewatch friends

**remusisdelusional:** no

 **remusisdelusional:** we’re gonna rewatch it now

 **remusisdelusional:** im coming over

**siriusisdumb:** what??

**remusisdelusional:** im coming over

 **remusisdelusional:** like im literally putting my shoes on

**siriusisdumb:** but

 **siriusisdumb:** uhm

 **siriusisdumb:** its like past 5am lol

**remusisdelusional:** yeah and?

 **remusisdelusional:** i dont have any classes in the morning tomorrow

 **remusisdelusional:** do you??

**siriusisdumb:** no only at 2pm

**remusisdelusional:** so

 **remusisdelusional:** i just left my dorm

**siriusisdumb:** ur dorm is on the other side of the campus

 **siriusisdumb:** you’ll get caught

**remusisdelusional:** shivers me timbers

 **remusisdelusional:** do u want me to come or not??

 **remusisdelusional:** i can literally just turn around and go back to my room

**siriusisdumb:** no no

 **siriusisdumb:** yeah u can come

 **siriusisdumb:** lol

 **siriusisdumb:** you can come

 **siriusisdumb:** dw

 **siriusisdumb:** u can come

**remusisdelusional:** lol ok

 **remusisdelusional:** i’ll be there in 15

**siriusisdumb:** k

_[Chaotic Gay + Mean Lesbian = Ellen DeGeneres]_

_5:22AM_

**frankiegrande:** MARLENE

 **frankiegrande:** ARE YOU AWAKE

 **frankiegrande:** MARLENE

 **frankiegrande:** MARLENE

 **frankiegrande:** MARLENE

**frankiegrande:** MARLENE

 **frankiegrande:** MAR

 **frankiegrande:** LENE

**frankiegrande:** MARLENE PLEASE

**jojosiwa:** dude wtf???????

 **jojosiwa:** look at the time

**frankiegrande:** REMUS IS COMING OVER

**jojosiwa:** what

**frankiegrande:** REMUS

 **frankiegrande:** REMUS LUPIN

 **frankiegrande:** IS COMING OVER TO MY DORM

**jojosiwa:** why would he do that

 **jojosiwa:** is he a masochist or sumn

**frankiegrande:** WE WERE TEXTING

 **frankiegrande:** AND WE WERE TALKING ABT FRIENDS

 **frankiegrande:** THE TV SHOW

 **frankiegrande:** AND HE’S COMING OVER SO WE CAN REWATCH IT

**jojosiwa:** at 5:30am???

**frankiegrande:** YESKCD

**jojosiwa:** dude lock the door

 **jojosiwa:** he’s about to rob you ong

**frankiegrande:** MCKINNON HELP

 **frankiegrande:** WHAT DO I DO

**jojosiwa:** have you showered today??

**frankiegrande:** obviously

**jojosiwa:** are you lookin pretty?

**frankiegrande:** is that even a question

**jojosiwa:** so dont worry

 **jojosiwa:** just watch friends with him you’ll be fine

**frankiegrande:** I HOPE

**jojosiwa:** ok just let me go back to sleep

 **jojosiwa:** i know u dont have any morning lectures tomorrow but i do

 **jojosiwa:** in like less than 4 hours

 **jojosiwa:** so bye

**frankiegrande:** BYE THANK YOU XXXXXX

**jojosiwa:** yeah yeah

_[Charity Work]_

_5:47AM_

**remusisdelusional:** which one is ur dorm

**siriusisdumb:** 3A

**remusisdelusional:** k

 **remusisdelusional:** im in the building

**remusisdelusional:** im here

 **remusisdelusional:** open the door

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the playlist link remus sent to james is literally spotify's This Is: Taylor Swift LMFAOOOOO  
> i was gonna put the link to my own playlist BUT my acc has my full name and yeeeahh i dont rlly feel like sharing that...so yeah :)


	12. CHAPTER 12: DILF Lover

_[Pea & Bees]_

_1:48PM_

**mckinnonslovergirl:** so...

 **mckinnonslovergirl:** just saw a certain someone leaving sirius’ dorm..???

 **mckinnonslovergirl:** _@nosy2_ care to explain, babes??

**nosy2:** how do you know u fucking creep

**mckinnonslovergirl:** im hanging out at marls’

 **mckinnonslovergirl:** her building is the one right next to his

 **mckinnonslovergirl:** and COINCIDENTALLY i was sitting by the window and saw you leaving the building......

**nosy2:** and what makes u think i was at his??

**mckinnonslovergirl:** “how do you know u fucking creep”

**nosy2:** shit

**nosy1:** WAAAIT A SECOND HOLD AWNNNN

 **nosy1:** _@nosy2_ YOU BETTER START TALKING SLENDERMAN

**nosy2:** it was nothing

 **nosy2:** we were just watching friends

**mckinnonslovergirl:** at 1 in the afternoon???

 **mckinnonslovergirl:** weird

**nosy2:** actually

 **nosy2:** not rlly

 **nosy2:** i went to his at like

 **nosy2:** 5:30am?

**nosy1:** wtf

 **nosy1:** why????

**nosy2:** we were just talking abt the show and i came over so we could rewatch some episodes

**nosy1:** u two were talking til 5:30 in the fucking morning??

**nosy2:** yeah

**nosy1:** damn

 **nosy1:** be careful

 **nosy1:** someone might say you like hanging out with him

 **nosy1:** or worse

 **nosy1:** that you *like* him

 **nosy1:** 😳😳

**nosy2:** i rlly dont wanna have this conversation again please

**mckinnonslovergirl:** then why did you react like *this* by being caught??

 **mckinnonslovergirl:** be careful

 **mckinnonslovergirl:** someone might say its because ur embarrassed..

 **mckinnonslovergirl:** or worse

 **mckinnonslovergirl:** embarrassed bc u *like* him...

 **mckinnonslovergirl:** 😳😳

**nosy2:** oh fuck off

 **nosy2:** how many times do i have to tell you guys that we are FRIENDS

 **nosy2:** you sound like kids smh

**nosy1:** he’s too mature for us cas 🥺🥺🥺

**mckinnonslovergirl:** yeah clearly

 **mckinnonslovergirl:** cause this mf must think im stupid

 **mckinnonslovergirl:** i did see the bed head from afar luv

 **mckinnonslovergirl:** i have 20/20 vision ;)

**nosy2:** you know i didnt sit on a little chair in the corner all night right

**nosy1:** lol

**mckinnonslovergirl:** yeah but bed head.....

**nosy2:** bro i napped

 **nosy2:** what do u want me to tell u

 **nosy2:** i wouldve been awake for hours

**mckinnonslovergirl:** AWWW CUDDLES 🥺🥺💕💖😍

**nosy2:** ok thats it

 **nosy2:** bye

**mckinnonslovergirl:** CUDDLE BEAR 🥺💘🐻

**nosy1:** HAHAHSHSHAHSHA

**mckinnonslovergirl:** simp in denial

 **mckinnonslovergirl:** ok now imma go get my own cuddles

 **mckinnonslovergirl:** ttyl

_[Charity Work]_

_2:07PM_

**remusisdelusional:** did u arrive too late for class

**siriusisdumb:** nah

 **siriusisdumb:** only abt 2 minutes

 **siriusisdumb:** had to do a good sprinting tho lol

**remusisdelusional:** yikes sorry

 **remusisdelusional:** i shouldve set more than one alarm

 **remusisdelusional:** im a heavy sleeper

**siriusisdumb:** nah dw i didnt really fall into deep sleep

 **siriusisdumb:** with you breathing down my neck the whole time

**remusisdelusional:** you snore

**siriusisdumb:** lightly.

 **siriusisdumb:** but yeah dw

 **siriusisdumb:** it was just a little nap

 **siriusisdumb:** and if i had heard that alarm more than once i swear i wouldve punched a whole through the wall

 **siriusisdumb:** that shit triggers my fight or flight istg

**remusisdelusional:** lol

 **remusisdelusional:** wait but i set the alarm for 10 minutes before the necessary

 **remusisdelusional:** and u still got up late

**siriusisdumb:** oh

 **siriusisdumb:** i dont think it was 10 minutes lol

 **siriusisdumb:** maybe you saw it wrong

 **siriusisdumb:** gtg my professor is here

 **siriusisdumb:** bye see u later

_[James Potter & Lily Evans]_

_5:41PM_

**james:** hey lils! :)

 **james:** alright??

**lily:** hi

 **lily:** alright

**james:** great!!!!! :))))

 **james:** so

 **james:** i was just wondering

 **james:** if you already have ur costume picked

 **james:** for sirius’ bday??

**lily:** uhm

 **lily:** no not really

 **lily:** its only in 2 weeks tho

**james:** yeah yeah!!!

 **james:** cause i was thinking if maybe you’d wanna wear matching costumes?? :)

**lily:** oh

 **lily:** uhm yeah i dont really think so james

 **lily:** sorry

**james:** ohh

 **james:** oh ok thats fine

 **james:** dont worry..

 **james:** do you know anyone else who’d wanna be james?? cause im pretty siked abt this idea lol

**lily:** wdym be james??

**james:** oh yk

 **james:** my idea was that i’d be betty

 **james:** and someone else would be james

 **james:** cause yk im already a james so that wouldnt be much fun hahah

**lily:** wait wait wait

 **lily:** betty??

 **lily:** like

 **lily:** taylor’s betty?????

 **lily:** taylor’s james??????

**james:** yeah!

**lily:** i’ll be james.

**james:** really?????

**lily:** yes

 **lily:** like a 100% yes

 **lily:** god betty and james thats fucking brilliant

 **lily:** yes yES I’LL BE JAMES

**james:** YAYAAYAYAY

 **james:** i was thinking maybe we could dress like very folklore-y??? like cardigans and all (especially since thats like.. bettys song)

 **james:** im sure moony can lend us some

**lily:** I HAVE THE FOLKLORE CARDIGAN!!!!!!

 **lily:** LOOK!!!!!

**lily:**

**james:** THATS SO COOL

**lily:** YEAH!!!!

 **lily:** AND WE CAN WEAR LIKE NAME TAGS

 **lily:** YK SO PEOPLE CAN KNOW IM JAMES AND UR BETTY

**james:** YES THATS WHAT I WAS THINKING!!!!

**lily:** YAY IM SO EXCITED!!!!

 **lily:** MOONY WILL DEF LET U BORROW ONE OF HIS CARDIGANS

 **lily:** HE HAS A COLLECTION AHAHA

**james:** JNEUWDWID

**lily:** THIS IS GONNA BE SO FUN JAMES

 **lily:** OR WAIT

 **lily:** SHOULD I SAY

 **lily:** THIS IS GONNA BE SO FUN BETTY!!!!!!!!!!

 **lily:** NJWODOWDOWKF

 **lily:** I DIDNT EVEN KNOW YOU LIKED TAYLOR SWIFT

 **lily:** WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME

**james:** oh

 **james:** i think it just never crossed my mind hahahah

**lily:** shouldve told me!!!

 **lily:** :D !!!!!!

_[Moony And Prongs Take On The World]_

_6:01PM_

**stagsarecool:** DUDE

 **stagsarecool:** I COULD KISS YOU RN

**badmoonrising:** DID IT WORK?????

**stagsarecool:** YES YES SHE SAID YES!!!!!!!!!!!

 **stagsarecool:** MOONY MY HEART IS HERS IM TELLING YOU

**badmoonrising:** CIEWJDWJCIJCIVIEWJDOKCOEJV

 **badmoonrising:** FUCK YEAH PRONGSIE BOY!!!!!!!!

**stagsarecool:** IT WAS SOME VERY EXHAUSTING 24 HOURS

 **stagsarecool:** I LISTENED TO TAYLOR’S ENTIRE DISCOGRAPHY

 **stagsarecool:** TWICE

 **stagsarecool:** AND WATCHED INTERVIEWS

 **stagsarecool:** AND SONG ANALYSIS

 **stagsarecool:** BUT BRO HER SONG IS FIRE?????

 **stagsarecool:** LIKE AT FIRST I WAS JUST DOING THIS FOR LILY BUT DAMN IT SLAPS PRETTY FUCKING HARD?????

**badmoonrising:** HAHSHSUHSUWH

 **badmoonrising:** im not the biiiiggest fan but being friends with lily..... you kinda learn to like it

**stagsarecool:** NEIEJDFIEJDIW same thing with padfoot

 **stagsarecool:** cant be friends with him and not like fergie

 **stagsarecool:** year 8 was just london bridge nonstop

**badmoonrising:** he likes fergie????

 **badmoonrising:** LMFAOEIWEODK

**stagsarecool:** dude he loves her ong

 **stagsarecool:** dont play big girls dont cry around him

 **stagsarecool:** because according to him

 **stagsarecool:** “big girls might not cry but big gays do”

**badmoonrising:** IDJIEWJIFJIWJFIJCIEW

 **badmoonrising:** i can HEAR him saying that while straight up sobbing

**stagsarecool:** HAHAHAHAHAHA YEAH

 **stagsarecool:** what a big baby... gotta love him

 **stagsarecool:** dont tell him i told u abt fergie btw!!!!

 **stagsarecool:** he says fergie is for his alter ego and his alter ego only

**badmoonrising:** lol ok fine

**stagsarecool:** ur gonna tell him wont u

**badmoonrising:** yeah i 100% will

_[Chaotic Gay + Mean Lesbian = Ellen DeGeneres]_

_6:45PM_

**jojosiwa:** our costumes for ur bday

**jojosiwa:**

**frankiegrande:** BRO

 **frankiegrande:** YEEES

 **frankiegrande:** SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY

**jojosiwa:** knew you’d like it

 **jojosiwa:** i call dibs on morticia

**frankiegrande:** NOOO I WANTED TO BE MORTICIA

**jojosiwa:** too slow loser

 **jojosiwa:** ur gomez

**frankiegrande:** I ALREADY HAVE THE DARK HAIR THO

**jojosiwa:** i can easily get a wig you know that

 **jojosiwa:** or i can just shave your hair off and make a wig out of it

 **jojosiwa:** cheaper

**frankiegrande:** BUT ITS *MY* BDAY

**jojosiwa:** didnt ask

**frankiegrande:** fuck you

**jojosiwa:** aww you always know how to warm my heart 💓

_[It's Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]_

_8:02PM_

**simmermary69:** is everyone listening??

**himbosupremacy:** 👂

**rawrdorkyXD:** yup

**simmermary69:**

**simmermary69:** thank you for listening

**toohottohandle:** couldn't have said it better myself

**sexymoonman:** wait wait wait

 **sexymoonman:** lets switch the c for a g real quick

**sexymoonman:**

**marleynotbob:** oooOOOOHHHH YES

 **marleynotbob:** I ♥️ MILFS

**himbosupremacy:** this is so true!!!!

**fireballswiftie:** this is not easy to say.

 **fireballswiftie:** but i believe its my time to come clean.

**fireballswiftie:**

**simmermary69:** fuCK GEMMA CHANNNNN

**buddyvalastro:** shes very pretty!!!

**rawrdorkyXD:** anything for her 🤲🏾

**himbosupremacy:** and since we’re on the marvel topic....

**himbosupremacy:**

**fireballswiftie:** who doesnt love a classic

**marleynotbob:** thats a dilf if i’ve ever seen one

**toohottohandle:** no but i’ll win now

 **toohottohandle:** like no one

 **toohottohandle:** will ever compare

 **toohottohandle:** to this hottie right here

**toohottohandle:**

**toohottohandle:** now THATS a dilf

 **toohottohandle:** 🤤🤤🤤🤤

**marleynotbob:** why do you have to bring my dad into this

**sexymoonman:** thATS YOUR DAD??? LMFAOOOODWIEDWI

**marleynotbob:** james charles has no fucking boundaries i swear

**toohottohandle:** call me james charles again and the next name you’ll call me is ....hey new dad 🥺

**fireballswiftie:** oH MY GOD

**simmermary69:** KDIWJFIDJWIDJIWWW

 **simmermary69:** LEAVE SEÑOR MCKINNON OUT OF THIS 

**toohottohandle:** you call him señor mckinnon??

 **toohottohandle:** sheesh

 **toohottohandle:** its just sergio for me 😏😏

**sexymoonman:** DCEWIJWIEJICJEDJEIC

 **sexymoonman:** GOODBYE

**buddyvalastro:** padfoot why are you like this

**toohottohandle:** what??

 **toohottohandle:** a dilf lover??

 **toohottohandle:** i cant help it.. 😔

**rawrdorkyXD:** 😭😭😭😭

_(_ ** _toohottohandle_ ** _changed their name to_ **_dilfloverasf_** _)_

**dilfloverasf:** there

 **dilfloverasf:** much more fitting

**himbosupremacy:** at least its not MY dad anymore

**dilfloverasf:** yeah it got weird after he called me son for the first time.. ://

 **dilfloverasf:** but i will say he has been growing quite the beard......

**himbosupremacy:** EW PADFOOT

**fireballswiftie:** STOP THIS MADNESS

**sexymoonman:** LMFAOOOOOO

**simmermary69:** JNDIEJIJFIJF

**dilfloverasf:** IM KIDDING IM KIDDING

**marleynotbob:** mum can you come pick me up the kids are drinking alcohol

**dilfloverasf:** damn a milf too?? 😍🤲

_[Charity Work]_

_10:22PM_

**remusisdelusional:** hey

 **remusisdelusional:** very important question

**siriusisdumb:** yeah what's up

**remusisdelusional:** do u promise you'll tell me the truth??

**siriusisdumb:** yeah ig??

 **siriusisdumb:** what's going on

**remusisdelusional:** do you.....

 **remusisdelusional:** do you think i make the boys go loco loco?? 😕😕

**siriusisdumb:** oh my GOD

 **siriusisdumb:** JAMES TOLD YOU DIDNT HE

 **siriusisdumb:** MF I THOUGHT THIS WAS SERIOUS

**remusisdelusional:** JENEDIEFIEDOWKS

 **remusisdelusional:** yeah he told me

 **remusisdelusional:** and *this* is not serious

 **remusisdelusional:** *you* are sirius

**siriusisdumb:**......

 **siriusisdumb:** ok ur forgiven

**remusisdelusional:** lol

**siriusisdumb:** anyway

 **siriusisdumb:** i was actually just abt to text u

**remusisdelusional:** ohh

 **remusisdelusional:** what for??

**siriusisdumb:** oh nothing

 **siriusisdumb:** i was just wondering really

 **siriusisdumb:** if you dont wanna go grab lunch tomorrow??

**remusisdelusional:** oh

 **remusisdelusional:** sorry i’d love to but i cant

 **remusisdelusional:** have a bit of a thing ://

**siriusisdumb:** oh

**remusisdelusional:** sorry pads

 **remusisdelusional:** i’ll owe you a lunch

**siriusisdumb:** lol

_[MoonFlower <3]_

_12:43PM_

**gingertaylorswift:** hey i just left my lecture

 **gingertaylorswift:** meet u at three broomsticks for some lunch??

**therealslimmoony:** sorry cant

 **therealslimmoony:** im actually omw to the city rn

**gingertaylorswift:** city?? tf

 **gingertaylorswift:** what are u doing

**therealslimmoony:** im... kinda in a hunt??

 **therealslimmoony:** i need to go find sirius’ birthday present

 **therealslimmoony:** and i found this store online that might have it

 **therealslimmoony:** but its in the city

 **therealslimmoony:** so here i go!

**gingertaylorswift:** damn

**therealslimmoony:** what

**gingertaylorswift:** nothing

 **gingertaylorswift:** well nvm then i’ll text mary and see if shes out of class already

 **gingertaylorswift:** good luck moony!!

**therealslimmoony:** thx xx

_[MoonFlower <3]_

_2:51PM_

**therealslimmoony:** yES

 **therealslimmoony:** FUCK YES

**gingertaylorswift:** found it???

**therealslimmoony:** sure did!!!!!

**therealslimmoony:**

**gingertaylorswift:** hunky dory

 **gingertaylorswift:** i thought he’d already gotten it?

 **gingertaylorswift:** that day u two went to ollivanders

**therealslimmoony:** yeah he didnt find it then ://

 **therealslimmoony:** BUT I HAVE

 **therealslimmoony:** do you think he’ll like it??

**gingertaylorswift:** remus honestly

 **gingertaylorswift:** what a question

**therealslimmoony:** :DDDD


	13. CHAPTER 13: Orange Is The New Black Is Casting

_[Chaotic Gay + Mean Lesbian = Ellen DeGeneres]_

_10:33AM_

**frankiegrande:** yo jojo

 **frankiegrande:** can we learn the saturday night fever’s more than a woman routine????

**jojosiwa:** sup mamas

 **jojosiwa:** yes

 **jojosiwa:** we absolutely can

 **jojosiwa:** why is that even a question

 **jojosiwa:** send me the link

**frankiegrande:** nice

 **frankiegrande:** <https://youtu.be/FPUUvQVeqlA>

**jojosiwa:** we’re *not* doing the kissing part tho

**frankiegrande:** yeah no shit

**jojosiwa:** just sayin

 **jojosiwa:** ur kind of insane sometimes

 **jojosiwa:** and u do be looking like a lesbo

 **jojosiwa:** ppl might expect the kiss yk

**frankiegrande:** omggg did u know orange is the new black is casting??? they’re looking for a hey mamas lesbian 😍 i think you’d be perfect for the part

**jojosiwa:** yeah i got the call

 **jojosiwa:** turned it down tho

 **jojosiwa:** said i knew someone who'd be more fitting

 **jojosiwa:** they’ll be contacting you soon

**frankiegrande:** honestly i wouldnt say no i lowkey wanna get that bag 😳

**jojosiwa:** understandable

 **jojosiwa:** hey

 **jojosiwa:** ive been wanting to talk/ask(?) u abt something for a week now and i always forget

**frankiegrande:** fire away sugar momma

**jojosiwa:** dorcas told me abt a certain cuddling sesh u shared with mr remus lupin..??

 **jojosiwa:** after the friends marathon thing

**frankiegrande:** oh

 **frankiegrande:** how does dorcas know

 **frankiegrande:** did he say something to her????????

**jojosiwa:** kinda ???

 **jojosiwa:** she saw him leaving ur building and his hair was all messy and she just kinda got it out of him

 **jojosiwa:** he said u two were napping..?

 **jojosiwa:** but i know ur bed is not big enough for two ppl to sleep in without *having* to cuddle

 **jojosiwa:** that one time *we* took a nap at ur dorm still gives me nightmares..........

**frankiegrande:** lol

 **frankiegrande:** remus and i weren't cuddling..

**jojosiwa:** sirius

**frankiegrande:** ok we were NWIJIEJIDCJ

**jojosiwa:** fucking knew it you whore

**frankiegrande:** but look it wasnt a cuddle like

 **frankiegrande:** hey wanna cuddle and take a sweet lil nap together

 **frankiegrande:** it was more like

 **frankiegrande:** hey scooch over im gonna fall off

**jojosiwa:** hmmmm

 **jojosiwa:** then why was his arm around ur waist

**frankiegrande:** dUDE HOW DO YOU KNOW

**jojosiwa:** u just told me

**frankiegrande:** damn ur good

 **frankiegrande:** but idk it was just like...... draped.. over my waist

 **frankiegrande:** not like

 **frankiegrande:** i wanna cuddle and hold u tight and never let u go type thing

**jojosiwa:** why are you being like this??

**frankiegrande:** like what

**jojosiwa:** like denying shit

 **jojosiwa:** being all like “oh it was nothing”

 **jojosiwa:** i expected u to be freaking out

 **jojosiwa:** im surprised u didnt even tell me abt it

**frankiegrande:** yeah idk

 **frankiegrande:** its just

 **frankiegrande:** idk

**jojosiwa:** i thought you liked him?

**frankiegrande:** idk its...... strange??

 **frankiegrande:** like yes im very much attracted to him

 **frankiegrande:**.....like.. have you seen him

 **frankiegrande:** and ive been since day 1

 **frankiegrande:** u remember that

 **frankiegrande:** but then i got to know him and yeah he's like the best ever

 **frankiegrande:** so fucking funny and smart and passionate and just amazing

**jojosiwa:** so you do like him

**frankiegrande:** yeah ok i do

 **frankiegrande:** BUT

 **frankiegrande:** he doesnt feel the same way

 **frankiegrande:** that part is very much clear

 **frankiegrande:** like i even invited him out for lunch last week and he made up a lame excuse of having something else to do

 **frankiegrande:** so idk im not gonna sit here and fool myself that ooohhhh we were cuddlinggg how cute

 **frankiegrande:** because i know thats not the reality

 **frankiegrande:** we’re great as friends and thats that

**jojosiwa:** hmmph

 **jojosiwa:** idk abt that tbh

 **jojosiwa:** but whatever u say

 **jojosiwa:** anyway my class ends in 10 wanna come to mines and order something??

**frankiegrande:** yesyes

 **frankiegrande:** what do u fancy??

**jojosiwa:** i was thinking maybe some chinese??

**frankiegrande:** yummyyy

_[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]_

_2:40PM_

**himbosupremacy:** 5 DAYS

 **himbosupremacy:** TIL BAKA PADFOOT TURNS 21

 **himbosupremacy:** YUP YUP YUP

**dilfloverasf:** PURRRRRR AS I MF SHOULD

**rawrdorkyXD:** YAYYYY

 **rawrdorkyXD:** SO EXCITED!!!!!!

**fireballswiftie:** ITS A PARTAAAYYYYYY

**himbosupremacy:** DO WE ALL HAVE OUR COSTUMES SORTED OUT???

**sexymoonman:** wait were u fr abt the costumes lol

**himbosupremacy:** uhm YES????

 **himbosupremacy:** you know i have mine sorted out already

 **himbosupremacy:** _@fireballswiftie_ !!!!!!!

**fireballswiftie:** yesyesyeyseyses :))))))))

**marleynotbob:** kurt hummel and i have ours sorted out too

**dilfloverasf:** kurt hummel??? really??

**marleynotbob:** ur tryna tell me ur gay ass didnt dress like this in freshman year

**marleynotbob:**

**buddyvalastro:** sorry padfoot but u did

**himbosupremacy:** HE DID LMAO

**simmermary69:** 😭😭😭😭

**dilfloverasf:** i-

 **dilfloverasf:** well

 **dilfloverasf:** eat ur heart out kate middleton

 **dilfloverasf:** 😌

**marleynotbob:** 😼😼

**sexymoonman:** dont mean to interrupt this soul searching moment

 **sexymoonman:** but i am so sorry to say that i will *not* be wearing a costume

**dilfloverasf:** hahahaha thats funny

 **dilfloverasf:** hahahahahahah hilarious

**himbosupremacy:** poor thing ahahahahah

**sexymoonman:** im not joking lol

**dilfloverasf:** remus

 **dilfloverasf:** im going to be very clear

 **dilfloverasf:** no costume on you = no party for you

**sexymoonman:** dude

 **sexymoonman:** i just dont like dressing up

**dilfloverasf:**??? dont care???

 **dilfloverasf:** better think of something boy

 **dilfloverasf:** 5 DAYS!

**buddyvalastro:** its not hard moony

 **buddyvalastro:** maybe you can even find a costume in your closet!

 **buddyvalastro:** i didnt have to buy anything for mine :) everything straight from my own wardrobe!

**himbosupremacy:** what are you going as, wormy??

**buddyvalastro:** ed sheeran

**marleynotbob:** oh my god 😭😭😭

**buddyvalastro:** i did need the wig tho :/

 **buddyvalastro:** but cas let me borrow hers!

**rawrdorkyXD:** bro........

**fireballswiftie:** _@rawrdorkyXD_ why do you have a ginger wig 😭

**rawrdorkyXD:** i was trying some things out in freshman year......

**buddyvalastro:** thanks for lending it to me cas!!! promise i’ll take good care 😊

**rawrdorkyXD:** homeboy you can have it its YOURS

**fireballswiftie:** is there gonna be a contest for best costume??

**dilfloverasf:** nah i dont think so

 **dilfloverasf:** would be unfair

 **dilfloverasf:** marlene and i would win

**marleynotbob:** fuck yeah boy

**simmermary69:** nah i would win

 **simmermary69:** my costume is just 😚🤌

 **simmermary69:** chefs kiss

 **simmermary69:** _@marleynotbob_ u wont believe what it is

**marleynotbob:**???

**simmermary69:** guess

 **simmermary69:** a clue:

 **simmermary69:** who was i obsessed with in year 9??

**marleynotbob:** NO

 **marleynotbob:** NO WAYJFNEIEIIJ

 **marleynotbob:** FUCKING BOB ROSS????

**simmermary69:** fucking bob ross bitch

**marleynotbob:** AMAZING

**himbosupremacy:** _@simmermary69_ you were obsessed with bob ross?????

**marleynotbob:** dude she had a whole crush on him

**simmermary69:** LIES

 **simmermary69:** LIZA MINNELLI LIES

**marleynotbob:** dont deny it

 **marleynotbob:** he used to be ur lockscreen

**simmermary69:** he's just.... so relaxing..

**rawrdorkyXD:** i didnt know you two know each other from school

**simmermary69:** yeah we do

 **simmermary69:** been friends since year 5

**marleynotbob:** we met in year 3 tho

 **marleynotbob:** but mary hated me

**simmermary69:** dude you bit me because i asked for the glue??

**marleynotbob:** i waS A SHY AND SCARED FOREIGN KID OK LEAVE ME ALONE

**sexymoonman:** LMAO

**rawrdorkyXD:** so im the only one in the group without any childhood friends

 **rawrdorkyXD:** cool.......... 💔⛓😪

**dilfloverasf:** oh no

 **dilfloverasf:** scene kid dorcas is coming to surface.....

 **dilfloverasf:** if you stay silent you can hear fall out boy in the distance.......

**rawrdorkyXD:** no but fr

 **rawrdorkyXD:** marlene and mary know each other since they were 7

 **rawrdorkyXD:** remus and lily are synagogue pals

 **rawrdorkyXD:** and u, james and peter went to rich boarding school together

**buddyvalastro:** oh that was just sirius and james

 **buddyvalastro:** i went to a *normal people* school

 **buddyvalastro:** but james and i were next door neighbours growing up

**himbosupremacy:** we were old mrs bagshot’s worst nightmare 😈

**dilfloverasf:** well she loved *me*

 **dilfloverasf:** always gave me biscuits

**buddyvalastro:** bro i think she was in love with you

**dilfloverasf:** cant blame her

**fireballswiftie:** but cas its better to have no childhood friends in uni than to have a weirdo who never got over the end of ur friendship

**sexymoonman:** is there something you’d like to tell me?

**fireballswiftie:** lmfao not YOU

 **fireballswiftie:** you know who im talking about..........

**sexymoonman:** oH

 **sexymoonman:** OH SNAPE

 **sexymoonman:** THAT GUY HOLY SHIT

 **sexymoonman:** my blood is boiling just by the thought of him

**dilfloverasf:** _@buddyvalastro @himbosupremacy_ cant possibly be who i think it is

**himbosupremacy:** better not be cause i swear-

**buddyvalastro:** dude.....

**fireballswiftie:** you guys know him????

 **fireballswiftie:** snape??

 **fireballswiftie:** severus snape?????

**dilfloverasf:** ITS HIM

**himbosupremacy:** NOT SNIVELLUS 😩😩

 **himbosupremacy:** ANYONE BUT HIM

**sexymoonman:** how do you know him????

**dilfloverasf:** we got into a fight with him in a party once

 **dilfloverasf:** over yk...... politics

 **dilfloverasf:** at first he started calling us snowflakes

 **dilfloverasf:** which was just funny honestly

 **dilfloverasf:** but then he started being racist towards james, homophobic towards me, started calling peter an incell???? like wtf

**buddyvalastro:** that dude is queerphobia’s pride and joy

 **buddyvalastro:** asexual people exist you know

**fireballswiftie:** yup

 **fireballswiftie:** thats him

 **fireballswiftie:** good ol snape

**sexymoonman:** he is the actual most disgusting human being to have ever walked this planet earth

**simmermary69:** is it the guy with the greasy hair???

 **simmermary69:** looks like he hasn't showered in months??

**himbosupremacy:** yeah

**simmermary69:** yeah he made a racist comment towards me once

 **simmermary69:** i have one class with him

**marleynotbob:** oh he told me to go back to my country when he heard me speaking spanish on the phone with my mum at the queue at puddifoots

 **marleynotbob:** mf has no chill

**fireballswiftie:** he's attacked all of you??????

**buddyvalastro:** yeah i think so

**simmermary69:** yeah

**dilfloverasf:** ig

**fireballswiftie:** omg i am so sorry

 **fireballswiftie:** im so sorry guys holy shit

 **fireballswiftie:** you wouldnt have to deal with him if it wasnt for me

**sexymoonman:** lily its not ur fault??? in the slightest???

**fireballswiftie:** if it weren't for me he wouldnt be studying here

 **fireballswiftie:** he only came to this uni to stalk me

 **fireballswiftie:** the fucking creep

**sexymoonman:** yeah but thats on him

 **sexymoonman:** he has always been the worst

 **sexymoonman:** you need to stop blaming urself for the shit that guy does

 **sexymoonman:** remember growing up he would always make antisemitic jokes around you

 **sexymoonman:** you always let it slip because “sev doesnt know any better, he meant no harm”

 **sexymoonman:** but he did

 **sexymoonman:** and then you had enough

 **sexymoonman:** as you should

 **sexymoonman:** and the fucker chased after you

 **sexymoonman:** fucking came to the same uni

 **sexymoonman:** tf is wrong with him

**fireballswiftie:** yeah but still

**himbosupremacy:** lily its not your fault

 **himbosupremacy:** no one thinks it is

 **himbosupremacy:** shitty people exist and they are everywhere

 **himbosupremacy:** ur not friends with him anymore and thats all that matters

 **himbosupremacy:** dont blame urself

**buddyvalastro:** yeah lils its fine

**marleynotbob:** dont worry love

**dilfloverasf:** ˆˆˆˆ

**rawrdorkyXD:** idk the guy but i 100% agree

**simmermary69:** its all good lily <3

**fireballswiftie:** well

 **fireballswiftie:** im still sorry anyway

 **fireballswiftie:** but thanks guys <3

**sexymoonman:** what's done is done

 **sexymoonman:** and i will not hesitate to beat the shit out of him again if i have to

**fireballswiftie:** LMFAO PLEASE DO

**marleynotbob:** HAHAHA I WANNA SEE THAT PLS

**dilfloverasf:** _@sexymoonman_ youve punched him???

**sexymoonman:** yeah when we were 16

 **sexymoonman:** fucking dick

 **sexymoonman:** and i’d do it again!

**himbosupremacy:** DENJCJSIWJS

**dilfloverasf:** damn

 **dilfloverasf:** i knew these muscles of urs were useful for *something*

**sexymoonman:** lmao

 **sexymoonman:** they have more than one use i can assure you

**dilfloverasf:** lol

_[Lily Evans & Marlene McKinnon]_

_3:17PM_

**lily:** ok thats enough

 **lily:** i need to talk to you

**marlene:** sure what's up

**lily:** uhm

 **lily:** how close

 **lily:** are you and sirius

**marlene:** way more than i’d like to be

 **marlene:** why

**lily:** look

 **lily:** i might be crazy

 **lily:** but

 **lily:** sirius

 **lily:** and remus

**marlene:** ur very much not crazy

**lily:** U SEE IT TOO???

**marlene:** i would see it even with my eyes closed

 **marlene:** and its not like its a reach to say something like this

 **marlene:** its very much obvious

**lily:** I KNEW I WAS RIGHT

**marlene:** has remus said anything to you?????

**lily:** no he always denies it

 **lily:** says they’re just friends and that i need to stop pairing him up with every single person he meets

**marlene:** does he flirt in group chats with every single person he meets??

**lily:** NO!!

 **lily:** THATS THE THING

 **lily:** this teasing little flirting they have going on

 **lily:** i mean come oooon

**marlene:** yeah

 **marlene:** sirius must be losing his mind rn lmao

**lily:** he says stuff to you?????

**marlene:** yeah all the time

 **marlene:** he’s such a simp its hilarious

**lily:** I KNEW IT I KNEW IT

 **lily:** THE MOMENT HE SPAM LIKED REMUS’ INSTAGRAM GAVE IT AWAY FOR ME

 **lily:** LIKE WHO DOES THAT

**marlene:** a lunatic like him lol

 **marlene:** but sirius is certain remus is not interested

**lily:** ugh

 **lily:** its complicated

 **lily:** like he *clearly* is

 **lily:** but he doesnt want to be

 **lily:** so he denies it

**marlene:** hmmm

 **marlene:** sirius is amazing tho

 **marlene:** i dont see why he wouldnt want to be interested

**lily:** i dont think its about sirius in particular

 **lily:** its just that

 **lily:** the last relationship he was in was like

 **lily:** a year and a half ago

 **lily:** but the guy cheated on him

 **lily:** it ended pretty ugly

 **lily:** and kingsley was all like pierced and tattooed and wore eyeliner and all that shit

 **lily:** kinda the same vibe as sirius yk

 **lily:** so i think remus just puts up this wall??

 **lily:** like he sees sirius and is like “nope dangerous territory”

**marlene:** :((

 **marlene:** poor thing

**lily:** yeah :(

 **lily:** but ive never seen him like this

 **lily:** even with kingsley

 **lily:** like he adores sirius its crazy

 **lily:** i think he’s scared that they’ve known each other for so little and already get along so well

**marlene:** yeah but sirius is the opposite

 **marlene:** he thinks its incredible

 **marlene:** but he’s all like “yeah we can only be friends so what can i do”

 **marlene:** which i dont buy at all

 **marlene:** i know he’s not all indifferent about it

 **marlene:** sirius gets attached really easy

 **marlene:** he puts his heart into everything

 **marlene:** he looks tough and distant and all that shit

 **marlene:** but he’s very far from that

 **marlene:** he acts as if he’s emotionally capable of having a one night stand lol

**lily:** meanwhile we have remus “if its not a tinder hookup i dont want it” lupin

**marlene:** lmao

 **marlene:** yeah

 **marlene:** fucking hell what a mess

**lily:** right???

_[Chaotic Gay + Mean Lesbian = Ellen DeGeneres]_

_3:29PM_

**frankiegrande:** what do you think he meant by that????????

**jojosiwa:** dont be stupid

**frankiegrande:** marlene

 **frankiegrande:** pleeeease

 **frankiegrande:** 😩😩😩😩

_[MoonFlower <3]_

_3:33PM_

**gingertaylorswift:** ur muscles have more than one use????

**therealslimmoony:** shut up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hate severus snape. all my homies hate severus snape.


End file.
